Here comes Spring and life is abounding with great good opportunities for us all, but this is really hard, if not at times impossible, for our mind to even contemplate seeing and hearing, let alone acting upon, when we are suffering a problem.
Last week a client said something really awesome to me; it stopped me in my stride! My client was working on a problem he had about the painful hurt he was suffering in a close and important relationship. I asked him: “What do you want to achieve?” He replied; “I want to have meekness.”
I never ever make suppositions about any of my work either in my recorded treatments or my 1:1 work. But I was struck by his word ‘meekness’. I asked him what he meant by meekness? He said that: “Meekness is the ability to see clearly and to not mind ..”
In other words – to be in a place and space in our mind to no longer be responding from ‘pain’ and hurt, and therefore to not respond inappropriately by either ‘withdrawing into a bleak hiding mood’ or getting into a ‘fury’ – turning to food – feeling frightened, nervous – tossing and turning all night……….that endless circle of not knowing whether to blame them, (or blame something) or take the blame our self.
Considering ‘meekness’ as a response is not me or my client being naïve! It is about seeing clearly – not minding – and having time to respond appropriately. By appropriately that means from a ‘clean’ clear place that is in the present free of hurt or ‘pain’ from our past.
So, I think his take on ‘meekness’ is truly awesome.
How can we begin to do this? Here’s a strategy for you to work with: Pause for a few moments, even though you’re hurting, and ask does this hurt of mine belong to this moment or some earlier life experience? (You’ll know if it belongs to a younger life experience because you’ll have had the feelings before, the feelings won’t be brand new, there will be a familiar ‘knot’ of ‘pain’ in your stomach, chest, heart, throat….)
Once you realise this is familiar ‘pain’ the strategy is to acknowledge it by saying convincingly to yourself “That’s Right! That really did hurt me …when I was aged about…… “(You’ll know about how old you were…) So, in ‘honouring’ your past ‘pain’ you help yourself not to hide and withdraw into a mood or get angry with them, or angry with whatever is going on for you in the present – and you also help to ease, and even begin to resolve, a past ‘pain’ with which you got ‘stuck’.
You’ll be a very welcome visitor to www.sally-stubbs.com
Thinking of you warmly, Sally