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Archive for July, 2012

BRIDGE BUILDING:

Monday, July 30th, 2012

Let’s talk about having, and how to have, outstanding harmonious relationships.
And the how is to have outstanding rapport.
I named my last company – Excellent Rapport!

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Rapport is the excellence of relationship that results in mutual trust, receptiveness and responsiveness.
I gain rapport with you by understanding and respecting your inner world (thoughts, beliefs, values as you experience it).
Rapport is essential for good communication.

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Good rapport is the essential first step in having good communication with you.
Rapport is essential to establishing an atmosphere of trust and participation within which you can respond comfortably to make the inner changes that you want and choose.
I, ever respectful of you, in my 1:1 Work and in my Work on my CD/MP3 courses build a bridge to your model of the world.
Everybody’s model of the world is subtly different, unique.
Without the bridge you cannot step out of the part of your world which is causing you distress, discomfort, conflicts and uncertainties, suffering and ‘pain’.
Having rapport is having outstanding communication…………….
We can learn skills to achieve rapport with others, which may seem to you to be strange! Maybe lacking spontaneity? Maybe manipulative of another person?
Sorry but the word: “boogaloo!” just popped up from my unconscious – which is giving me a big smiley smile because Mike uses that word to mean: ‘So bl**dy what, who cares!!!!!!!!’
Of course we would not use rapport skills and strategies in a relationship that is fully harmonious, we’ve got the rapport in this relationship! No need for skills.
And as for manipulative, a lot of our communications with another person are manipulative we just don’t consciously know it!
We can: think of loads of examples!
I’ll start us off.

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OK so we don’t want this person to approach us, or speak to us. We can’t actually walk away. We ‘hide’! The thousands of tiny muscles in our face and eyes ‘close down’ our breathing changes, our shoulder muscles and torso sinks away. We’re communicating to the person ‘stay away’!
We have, hopefully, successfully manipulated the situation with our communication!
Anyway, here we are fancying this person, you know what we do! We not only smile, our torso moves outwards, our breathing changes to a deeper, or faster state – we actually dilate our pupils, how clever we are! Now, (we hope!) we’ve communicated successfully to the ‘eye candy’ person to ‘come on’, and the ‘eye candy’ comes closer.
Psychology research suggests that only around 7% of any communication is verbal!
This is my Dream for us all: That we can, all of us have outstanding rapport first of all with our self.
For you to first have outstanding rapport with your self!


Your self will then feel respected, understood and accepted by you.
How we achieve this, within our self, is to resolve and free our inner self from any past ‘pains’ and suffering.
We can Cure the ‘pain’ and bewilderment. We can find, and free the part of our self ‘who’ became ‘stuck’ and lost. The information contained in the “T Minus One” moments will be transformed and resolved.

And the other part of the how to achieve and have outstanding rapport with your self – is to discover those negative debilitating beliefs, which manifest in our conscious and unconscious inner dialogues, and change them.


Change them to the only beliefs, about your self, that you truly need: Beliefs that validate your self and celebrate your life.
I promise you this does not turn you into some vile egotistically non caring person!
I’m living proof of that!
My ‘me’ has outstanding rapport with my ‘self’……
This is my Dream for you and for all of us……
Thank you for listening
Sally
Cures that Endure

www.rapha-hypnosis.com
www.sally-stubbs.com
My personal and private e mail: sally@sally-stubbs.com

SHOOTING FROM THE HIP?

Friday, July 27th, 2012

 I woke up this morning wondering what I’d be talking to you about today – and Bingo – in that hypnogogic state, those few moments of waking, when our unconscious is flowing with important information for us I had a great memory.
Dear ole David Grove, in my memory this morning, he’s striding up and down teaching.
He’s wearing khaki shorts a tee shirt and he’s bare foot. David is a Maori on his mother’s side of his family.
As he’s striding up and down he’s using his arms as if he’s firing an arrow from a bow. (he is mixing his Metaphors here – but do I care! No way – the man is a genius with an awesomely huge heart!)
David is saying; “You ‘pull back’ time to before the negative debilitating beliefs and ‘pain’; you ‘pull back’ time to the time of a pristine mind.
And then you fire the magic bullet (the pristine resourceful mind) into the present”.
Well David named the ‘bullet’: magic. And in my last post I named it golden.
My image of the golden bullets is that the ‘gold’ is liquid, flowing into the mind, pristine and pure.
We are ‘pulling back’ time and as we ‘move’ back through time we resolve and change the negative beliefs, until we have a pristine mind.
GOLDEN BULLET FOR THOSE DARK DAYS – HOW TO BE UPBEAT AND LIGHT
How to turn a bad day into a good one, like when you wake up feeling there’s a big black cloud hanging over you:
• Stop waking with the ‘dark cloud’ and dream well. What do I mean? How do I do that?
• We dream several times a night, and the main purpose of our rapid eye movement (REM) dreams is to search for solutions to our problems. A difficulty can be that we are dreaming in those last few minutes or so before we awake and we awake with the darkness of a problem still hanging there unresolved.
• To dream well, – as you are dropping off to sleep at night you can clearly instruct your unconscious, that is the part of the mind where dreams come from.
• Tell your mind clearly and with energy: I want my dreams to search comfortably for solutions, and I will awake in the morning feeling clearer and lighter.
• When you give yourself this instruction before falling asleep – do not actually mention a particular problem, until you become more accomplished at your dream work. The unconscious mind will use its own wisdom to search for solutions.
GOLDEN BULLETS TO FREE YOURSELF OF THE ‘DARK CLOUD’ AND HAVE A GOOD DAY
• If your dream work takes a while to really kick in for you in a positive way, and you still awake for a while with the ‘dark cloud’ you can use what we call ‘pattern interruption’ to dispel it. This means: do something very, very different and with as much energy as you can muster.
• Example: Just sit up in bed and shout out loud something like: I am sitting here (Truism) I am breathing (Truism) Brighter days are good! (Truism)
• Sing out loud, very loud, loads of energy, a song that’s maybe funny, daft or upbeat. Then move.
• Einstein said: ‘Nothing can happen until something moves!’ So move, get out of bed, and do something else that is entirely different – like throw ice cold water in your face! Dance!
• Why? Because when we interrupt our patterns of behaviour, and I’m calling the ‘dark cloud’ a behaviour, we need only do this 2 or 3 times, and when we do the interruption with energy the brain stops being able to access the old pattern.
MORE GOLDEN BULLETS ON HOW TO TURN A BAD DAY INTO A GOOD DAY
How to turn a bad day into a good one when, let’s say for an example, you walk into the office and find your boss in a vile mood.
• Check your beliefs? Do you believe that their behaviour is about you? Could your belief be wrong? Are they having a hard time from someone else and maybe splurging their hurt feeling around you? If this is what they are doing, you can of course choose to think How sad for them, and shrug it off you. Or you can choose to protect yourself emotionally, by imagining yourself, for example, behind a strong glass shield where their behaviour cannot ‘get to you’.
• Realise that we cannot change another person, unless they ask us for help. We can only change our own responses in a way that is comfortable and strengthening of our self, and also generally respectful of another’s needs.
• We can ‘walk away’ from the situation even if we actually remain right next to the person, we can still ‘walk away’ – knowing this important thing, it is our choice to ‘walk away’ we are not being forced, pushed or controlled by their behaviour.
• Or, we can observe this person and then choose to communicate with them about their vile behaviour, by using their language! To communicate well and achieve a really good out come we need to listen to the language another person uses, and take a step into their emotional world by ‘speaking’ their language with them.

I am still Working rigorously on becoming a truly successful Revolutionary!
Enjoy your ‘gold’

Thinking of you warmly
Sally
Cures that Endure

www.rapha-hypnosis.com
www.sally-stubbs.com


 My personal and private e mail: sally@sally-stubbs.com

GOLDEN BULLETS!

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Let’s talk about enhancing your happiness.

Let’s not put a ceiling on happiness hey! I don’t! It’s interesting to think about our happiness, it’s not quantifiable, and yet it’s not theoretical. We cannot hold it or control. Yet – It is real. Biochemically we can measure it, in a certain way! We can ‘feed’ our happiness, nourish it and grow it.
And do you know, not once in 30 years of my Work, no one has ever come to me and said: “I’ve got too much happiness can you help to cure it!”

MY GOLDEN BULLETS TO NURTURE AND NOURISH OUR HAPPINESS:
• Check our beliefs.
• Our Beliefs drive a massive part of our behaviour
• Our Beliefs are often unconscious, that is we do not consciously know we have them!
• So when we set our goal to achieve X Y Z, for example lose weight, assert our self with our ‘snarly’ boss and we failed with that goal in the past – we will probably have a belief that we will ‘Fail Again’.
• No matter how much ‘get up and go’, up beat energy, determination we think we have to achieve our goal, our behaviours will be driven by our unconscious ‘I’m a failure’ belief
GOLDEN BULLET TO HAVE POSITIVE BELIEFS:
If you have been Working with repeating to your self a truism like my example:
“It is healthy and also nice to be calm.”
Now begin to Work with a positive affirmation like my example: “I’m going to be really, really calm! (….when I assert myself with my daughter, or boss, or neighbour….)”
• The use and purpose of positive affirmation is to ‘bring up’ into our conscious mind and awareness any objecting negative beliefs that we may have, so that we can do something about them and change them.
• Positive affirmations do not create positive beliefs to achieve our goal. And if we have no negative beliefs we don’t blimin’ well need to waste our time with positive affirmation, we simply act and achieve!
• Here’s the absolute ‘gold’: – as you say your affirmation, be exquisitely sensitive, which I know you are, to your immediate next thought.
(By the way I don’t think I’ve mentioned that a few years ago I contacted several neuroscience departments in universities asking: What is the speed of thought?
One answer is: Less than one tenth of a second.
So you need to slow down to get some of those thoughts, or you’ll miss them.
My free download story will help you to slow down your thoughts
• If your very next thought is objecting – to your affirmation – this objection will be your negative belief – which will have it’s foundation in some kind of failure……
• Write down your objecting thoughts (negative beliefs) – and Work to discover your solutions to them.
• Remember that a lot of our negative behaviour patterns are driven by our negative beliefs, and we can change them.
• You can also Work with one of my 40 day courses, this will help you enormously.
• Once we get to know our negative beliefs we have choice. We can choose to change them.
• When we really get to understand our deep inner belief systems, particularly about our self, we can choose to have only those beliefs that are supportive of our self and celebrate our life, enhancing our happiness.
• We can choose to stop having those beliefs that are self condemning or self invalidating.

MORE GOLDEN BULLETS TO SUCCEED:
More on goal setting.
• Goal setting takes time.
So we’ll remind ourselves about goals.
• What do successful people have in common?
• They know their goal, they know what they want to achieve.
• When we set our selves a goal to achieve, we need to make sure we state, or write it down in the positive.
• And, speak your goal out loud, congruently, our DNA responds to sound.
• So, an example of what I mean. Chanting internally: “I Will stop being angry with X or Y”, will inevitably lead to anger with X or Y. Because the brain has ‘heard’ the word anger, the brain will attempt to access that behaviour.
• So, the goal needs to be stated as something like: I really want to be understanding and supportive of X or Y.
By the way if anger is an issue for you or someone close to you my 40 day End Anger Course on CD’s and MP3 is about Ending anger, not controlling or managing anger, permanent resolution, Cures that Endure.
• Goal setting needs our attention, to nurture our emotions.
A simple goal might be: I want to lose weight.
• We need to check attentively with our emotions that the words we use are in harmony with every part of us.
So, someone for example who has sadly had a huge loss, maybe of a loved one, the word lose, as in lose weight could be deeply uncomfortable to say the least.
And part of the persona will emotionally resist the word lose, and the weight will not change, or may even get worse.
This is how important the words we use in goal setting are. In this example the words for this goal may need to be something like: I want to become slim, strong and healthy!
When our negative thoughts and negative beliefs are also ‘woven’ into emotional ‘pain’, hurt, suffering – please do Work with one of my 40 day courses. No matter the issue you are dealing with Judith all my 40 day courses will take you to a safe place and space where you can and will resolve, safely, your ‘pain’ And you do not need to know, or remember what caused your ‘pain’
I’m still Working on being a real Revolutionary!
Enjoy your ‘gold’
Thinking of you warmly
Sally
Cures that Endure

My personal and private e mail: sally@sally-stubbs.com

AFFIRMATIONS DON’T WORK!

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

Rapha Hypnosis Therapy

Hello:
Here I am again with Top Tips! Blimey…. Someone out there please help me out here with a more ‘educated’ or a funky phrase would be good!!!
But, first of all – the red squirrels are in Top Form! Through my window here I can see the old ‘trip trap’ bridge over the river Greta – in fact we’re kind of partly built into this wonderful old bridge.
(‘Trip Trap’ bridge from the folklore story The Three Billy Goats Gruff!)
So this morning, guess what, I looked up from typing, and there’s a red squirrel, on the bridge parapet which is practically attached to our window ledge, as plumped up with itself as you like looking straight in at me. Giving me a kind of what the ‘heck’ are you doing look!! How cool is that eye contact with a red squirrel!
Let’s talk about affirmations:
Positive affirmations are short statements designed to replace negative thoughts, with positive nurturing thoughts.
Affirmations as such do not work!
And loads of therapists use them in their therapy work. The Muppets! Which is an ironically affectionate, and yet weary, (of Muppetdom in therapy), term!
Positive affirmations are like ‘papering over the cracks’; the negative thoughts are still there, ‘the cracks’, and they, the negative thoughts will keep on reappearing.
Briefly here’s how affirmations go:
Positive affirmation: “I’m going to be really, really calm!” said times a hundred a day.
Objecting negative thought: “I can’t possibly be calm, I’m terrified!”
Positive affirmation: “I am brilliant!”
Objecting negative thought: “I’m not!!”
Positive affirmation: “I’m going to live on lettuce all week and lose my weight gain!” said times a hundred a day.
Objecting negative thought: “I can’t possibly do that – I’ll feel empty and lonely if I do that!”
The objections will win!
However, the secret is: The objection can and will be resolved once we give the ‘objection’ the exact right attention that the ‘objection’ needs. What I’ve just said is truly vitally important for our mind-body strength, vigour, vitality, stability………..
We’ve been talking together about achieving ‘get up and go’. If you’re ready, with some ‘get up and go’ let’s go and add something new and different now.
Set yourself a goal, now that you’ve got some ‘get up and go’.
I’ve talked about goal setting with you before.
Goal setting is vital, it’s like if we don’t know ‘where we’re going’ it’s unlikely we’ll ever get there! Even though we’ve now got some ‘get up and go’ to set off, we may not even set off – if we don’t plan where we’re going!
The mind needs to know where it’s ‘going’ therefore needs a goal. Even if you leave your home to go for a totally aimless ramble, your mind will need a goal like: “I’ll see something new around the corner.” “I’ll have an adventure….” “I want to just get away from it all for a while …..”
A small goal to begin with, a ‘first steps’ type goal.
A simple example, you may want more self esteem, or as dear Jonny on my video says: “Liking and respecting myself….”
Taking the ‘more self esteem’ as an example.
Take a ‘small step’ to begin with, rather than ‘I want self esteem enough to take on the world’, have a goal like: ‘I want self esteem to tell my boss, (daughter, neighbour….) that they are out of order when they keep putting me down’
Now, add to your goal not an affirmation as such but a truism.
When you listen to my metaphorical stories, like my free download, and all my stories on my CD and MP3 courses, you will find them loaded with truisms. These were one of Dr Milton Erickson consummate skills, in his extraordinary successes in resolving psychological and emotional problems for his patients.
By truisms I don’t mean simply an obvious statement, I mean a statement that the conscious mind and unconscious mind cannot object too, which in my Therapy provides a clear space for the unconscious to Work to resolutions.
Let’s take my examples of positive affirmations and turn them into truisms:
Positive affirmation: “I’m going to be really, really calm!”
Truism: “It is healthy and also nice to be calm.”
Positive affirmation: “I am brilliant!”
Truism: “Brilliance in life is enjoyable.”
Positive affirmation: “I’m going to live on lettuce all week and lose my weight.”
Truism: “Healthy food is really healthy”
Find your own truism which connects with your goal, what you want to achieve for your self. Repeat your truism to yourself morning and night, and every now and again during the day of course! Enjoy.
Thinking of you warmly
Sally
Cures that Endure

TELESCOPE TIPS!

Wednesday, July 18th, 2012

 

Rapha Hypnosis

Top Tips!
Please email me your thoughts for a better more gracious or funky phrase!

It’s odd because in the last couple of years I’ve written around 60 to 70 pieces for journalists, for newspaper and magazine articles, and there was always a ‘hunger’ (so I was told) from their readers for Top Tips!
I think that rather odd or is that just me?

MY EIGHT TOP TIPS:
1. This one will amuse you, as it will look like a paradox to everything we’ve been considering together, to nurture your very own unique ‘get up and go’:
Take a twenty minute rest twice a day, in that very chair of yours!
But this is an ‘active’ break.
The activity will be your unconscious really working hard for you.
If you need the hard core scientific facts may I suggest you read about Dr Ernest Rossi work and the work of Professor Kleitmann on Ultradian Rhythms and the rest phases in the brain and mind. You can find them on-line.
2. To help you really benefit from your twenty minute rests, I have a gift for you.
It’s a free hypnotherapeutic story called ‘It’s a Breeze Let the New Blow In’ which you can download from here after filling in your e mail address.
By the way it’s a truly beautiful story. It lasts for; yeah you got it, twenty minutes! (Downoad time about one minute.)
My story enables your body to rest, your mind to become ‘quiet’ – to go beyond the ‘babble’ and allows your unconscious to search through your inner resources to find your ‘get up and go…’
I do know it is difficult to take a full twenty minute rest without the help of a story like mine, as, although our body will attempt to rest, the ‘babble’ in our minds so often precludes real rest.
I’m not being disrespectful to you here, we all have the ‘babbling’!

3. Just as you start to take your twenty minute rests, twice a day, (Rossi & Kleitmann’s research shows we actually need these rests every hour and a half!) tell your mind, firmly, I want more get up and go….. for “these” reasons, (State your own personal reasons, in the positive e.g. instead of stating: ‘I want to stop feeling debilitated’, state : ‘I want to feel bright’ – in your own words.)
4. As a few days go by you will notice some perhaps small differences and changes in your behaviour and what you achieve.
So to boost the changes for yourself, get a note book, and for a few more days, write down your ‘get up & go’ goal and your reasons for your ‘get up & go’ goal.
Again it is important to write your goals in the positive.
Here is an overview example, instead of writing: ‘The reason I want to feel bright is because I don’t want to live in this dark dingy, dodgy ‘inner’ place any more….’ Write: “The reason that I want feel bright is because I want to live in an ‘inner’ place full of light brightness, I want to feel full of life and I want to feel beauty.’
5. Hone your list of goals for these few days, take your time, enjoy it, believe in ‘Santa Claus’! As you write, be outrageous, include goals which you think could be impossible! Carry your list with you, in your pocket, in your bag; look at your list a couple of times a day!
6. Next, to really give your mind and brain a focus of positive energy on your list of goals – maybe do some drawings to represent each goal.
Find wonderful photographs to represent each goal, try and find a song or music to play or sing or hum or whistle to represent each of your goals.
Our minds, brains & bodies (which are 70% water,*) really respond to positive (and equally to negative) images and music and to us singing and humming.
*Water molecules respond positively to positive thoughts, sounds, images, and negatively to negative thoughts, sounds & images. It’s true, the research results are available on line but I’m not giving you a link because I want you to keep reading here!
7. If after a week or two you want even better results for your ‘get up and go…’ and we all want better results, including me, then ask yourself this question:
What is stopping me getting even better results in my thoughts and in my beliefs?
Ask this question in the few moments just before you begin your Ultradian Rest.
And then as you rest, listening to your downloaded story will help enormously.
Listen carefully to your inner dialogue responses to this question.

You may be ‘hearing’ thoughts and beliefs such as: “Why bother, you’re getting too old to bother to get up and go….”
Bingo!
This is not the truth.
None of your negative thoughts and beliefs will be the truth.
Choose to listen to only the truth.
8. So, straight away after your twenty minute rest, with this negative ‘stuff’ still fresh in your mind, which it isn’t actually fresh, it’s old, old stuff you’ve been carrying for years and it ‘stinks’, write the negative thoughts down. After you’ve written them down – you can of course see them.
Once we’ve finally seen something we can choose how we will change it.
You need to ‘see’ your negative beliefs yourself.
If you were to phone me, I’d be most happy to help you to see!
It’s a bit like this, if you sat in my room with me and I said:
“The wall behind you is a gorgeous warm, dusky pink!”
You’d believe me!
However to have the belief for yourself you need to turn around and see for yourself!
About your negative beliefs – basically, bottom line – you can choose to refuse to listen to such garbage again.
And with all your eight Top Tips (blimey I’ve said it again!!!) please enjoy this journey to you having abundant ‘get up and go………’

I don’t do ‘Fast Food Therapy’ – sorry but it doesn’t ‘nourish’ you!
Real ‘nourishment’, is all I am interested in, it creates lasting ‘growth’, flourishing results and real success.
So my Therapy Systems take some time – well worth it since your rewards are truly enduring and huge……
Thinking of you warmly
Sally
Cures that Endure

http://rapha-hypnosis.com
www.sally-stubbs.com

My personal and private e mail: sally@sally-stubbs.com

MIND TELESCOPE AVAILABLE:

Monday, July 16th, 2012

Scope out your mind!

We all want more self esteem, more confidence in our sense of self, more inner stability, no inner ‘clutter’, no ‘stinky stuff’ in our minds. We all want inner ‘clean spaces’ and more happiness… that includes me…. I don’t put a ceiling on it!
So what do you want?
Do you really want to stay there ‘in your chair?’ Do you really want the ‘same old, same old…’ It might look a bit different from day to day, but hey, isn’t that pretty much it, ‘same old, same old’.
Or, whoopee, do you want some life force surging through your veins, energy, ‘lust’ for life. Are you, like me, kind of outrageous, in a kindness to others way of course? Do you, like me, want to do something different! Discover and experience something different!
I personally want to be Revolutionary in a way that will end emotional and psychological suffering.
I want to bring happiness, cheerfulness, optimism and the “Whoopee!” times into peoples lives, including mine!
The “Whoopee!” can be, for me, as I relax into sleep at night the:
“Wow, I finally saw that Osprey I wanted to see today – Good Night everyone”
Or, “Cool, I went for a walk and I smiled at a person and they told me their troubles and then they smiled too… How good is that….”
Or, “I think, when I sat by the river today, I got some really fresh thoughts …..I’ll sleep happily on that, and let those ideas grow….Sweet dreams everyone.”
Let’s ask three questions here:
1. What’s stopping us having the energy to do something different?
2. What’s the point in doing something different, our ‘chair’ is comfortable, what’s the point in moving? (We all need really good reasons to do something different and get up and go).
3. Once we decide to have the energy to get up and go – how are we going to get ‘it’?
Well, the ‘how’ will be my top tips and we’ll come to those later; but we need to answer 1 & 2 first.
So, OK what’s stopping us having the ‘get up and go’?
We are!
I honestly know that we’ve been brought up in a ‘blame’ culture. We ‘blame’ loads of stuff in the world for our lack of action: The weather! The government! Our parents!
But the choice is absolutely ours, the choice is to discover how to change our thinking and heal our feelings and emotional wounds and confidently do something different.
Last summer we attended a presentation given by Simon Woodroffe, he was thoroughly charismatic and loaded with ‘get up and go’.
He said; “Behind your face there’s a whole world, and a lot of it is cluttered…’”(I am maybe para phrasing a tad.)
Simon’s remarks made me think of this quote from Coleridge’s notebooks. I had the audacity to use it at the beginning of my book which I’m about to send to the publishers (another Whoopee!):
“He looked at his own Soul
with a Telescope. What seemed
all irregular, he saw and
shewed to be beautiful
Constellations: and he added
to the Consciousness hidden
worlds within worlds.”
This quote is so brilliant, Coleridge’s ‘irregular’ I relate to Simon’s ‘cluttered’.
How cool to have a ‘telescope’, with which to look into our inner worlds..
My tips are a ‘Mind Telescope’. They enable us to comfortably and safely look into our ‘inner worlds within worlds’, and once we get the view, we can then resolve the ‘irregularities’ or clutter.
We can change our habituated thought patterns and beliefs, those that do not support us or celebrate our life.
That’s the ‘clutter’, and that’s what literally drains us of our energy and vitality.
I’ll just repeat this, it’s worth it: What drains us of our energy, what stops us having that confident ‘get up and go’ even for a stroll, or a ‘whoopee’ time, is how we are thinking and what we are believing about our self and our life’s potential.
Invalidating our own thoughts and beliefs affects how we feel, and drains us of vital energy.
The great news is, we can change those thoughts and beliefs.
We used to think they were ‘hard wired’, irreversible.
This is not the truth! We can change them!
The awkward part of making the changes, apart from us needing to have really good reason’s and purpose to change, is that these types of thoughts and beliefs are unconscious; we often do not consciously know we have them. So, my tips will enable you to explore your ‘hidden worlds within worlds’ of your unconscious and discover what you need.
Next, why should we be bothered to do something different, after all, our ‘chair’ is comfortable enough for us to just stay put! And yes, we have our reasons, like: It will do me good to go and look for the Osprey, get some fresh air! But, the huge reason to get up and go – is, when we get mental stimulation, we literally grow our own brain.
You may have heard of neurogenisis, I wrote about it a couple of months ago. Neurogenisis is the growth and formation of new nerve, or brain cells.
Research in current neuroscience indicates, contrary to 100 years of dogma, that our human brain is capable of generating new brain cells throughout our life cycle.
One of my teachers, the eminently brilliant Dr Ernest Rossi states: “The psychological precedes the physical. The mind drives the body, which drives the genome.”
There are three activities or behaviours which are key to connecting psychological experiences that optimise gene expression, neurogenesis, and healing.
These three activities or behaviours are what we need to incorporate into our every day life so that we can keep on growing our brain (neurogenisis).
1. Novelty: experience something novel, fascinating or new in your every day life.
2. Environmental enrichment. Enrich your environment; you’ll know how to do this. (You might have read that I believe Mike would love to have his motor bike in our living room, which would really enrich the environment for him!) But maybe a new picture would be more appropriate for you?
3. Physical exercise: you don’t need to be an athlete! The wondrous Dr Milton Erickson, who is considered to be the grand father of Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy, was wheel chair bound in his later years due to a recurrence of polio. Dr Erickson exercised by preparing the families vegetables every evening.
So, do we now have good enough reason’s to ‘get up and go….’ Which includes – Top Reason – we will grow our own brain!
And third question, now that we know that what’s stopping us is ….us! Not the weather, not the government, not our parents – and we have our Top Reason!: How are we going to get out of our ‘chair’?
I’ve got eight top tips for you to use your ‘Mind-scope’!
Actually, I honestly hate the phrase ‘Top Tips’! Its so media type speak. If you’ve got a better phrase for me – please let me know.
I hope you’ll take some time in the next couple of days to consider the immeasurable value to us of how we can stimulate neurogenesis, and grow our own brains! How awesome is that…….
Have a look at my 30 mins a day for 40 days course on Gain Self Esteem and Self Confidence.
Or listen to a short excerpt from the course.
Mind Scope tips coming soon.

Thinking of you warmly

Sally

TALKING ABOUT BLACK DOG?

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

So, I woke up today – bright and cheerful – and also sad for those of us who are not consistently cheerful and optimistic, which ‘believe it or not’ is our natural state to be in.
So I thought that the ‘black dog’ is a worthy subject for us to consider…….
Depression, a term coined by Adolf Meyer, has been considered an inadequate name.
William Styron in his account of his depression, Darkness Visible, wrote: “’Melancholia’ would still be far more apt and evocative a word for the blacker forms of the disorder, but it was usurped by a noun with a bland formality lacking any magisterial presence.”
American author Susan Sontag was more succinct: “Depression is melancholy minus its charms…”
Churchill named his own depression – ‘black dog’. He was not the first or last to use ‘black dog’ to describe depression. While the term has survived Churchill, its origins remain obscured in the history of the English language.
Churchill’s daughter, Lady Soames, said of her father’s depression:
“A lot has been made of the depressive side of his character by psychiatrists who were never in the same room with him. He himself talks of his ‘black dog’, and he did have times of great depression, but marriage to my mother very largely kennelled the ‘black dog’.”
Whatever our personal opinion may be on Churchill’s achievements, he certainly did achieve, even though chronically haunted by his ‘black dog’.
I say: “We need to celebrate how well those of us suffering depression do function, and do achieve.”
I have worked as a clinical hypnotherapist and licensed psychotherapist for many years with young people suffering with depression. I have total respect for their inner strengths to cope. The psychological and emotional ‘worlds’ of depression which they have, not out of any conscious choice, entered, do not relate in anyway to the ‘worlds’ of day to day life. And so it takes massive energy for the sufferer to even attempt to relate to life.
Depression is often compounded with anxiety, such as shame, fear of the weakness to be able to change; (“Pull your self up with your boot laces!” Which actually defies physics, we can’t!) Guilt about having ‘mental illness’ and maybe guilt about how the illness affects others; family and friends.
We know the unbearable tragic statistics: around one million people in the world commit suicide each year; one in five of us, say the World Health Organisation, will suffer a ‘’mental illness’.
Medication helps temporarily; it helps to get a flow of energy, specifically serotonin. But, it does not cure. For thirty years my focus has been on cure rather than management or control.
As Churchill’s daughter said; “… marriage to my mother very largely kennelled the black dog”.
However, I see that the ‘black dog’ is still looming, a dark presence in the back yard kennel, sadly ever ready to pounce!
How can we bring a cure?
As I truly do not want to lose you here, I repeat, I have total respect for the suffering of depression. I too suffered, in the early 1980’s; my life was not worth living.
I had a brilliant Therapist, David Grove!
I’ve had no recurrence of ‘depression’, the ‘black dog’ was set free, but that’s a whole story in itself, as the ‘black dog’ is a wounded part of our ‘Me’.
Sure, I have had challenges, and sadness and loss, and I’ve discovered solutions to challenges and moved on, and I’ve grieved and moved on from my loss.
The next part of my discussion with you is largely based on my successful Work as a therapist plus my experience and rigourous study:
Anxiety and depression can become compounded into an undifferentiated mass of psychological and emotional information, leading us to experience the unsolvable horrific cycle of: “The same damned thing over and over again….”
My Work differentiates out the anxiety, and brings resolution to the fears and shame; we can then give full attention to the depression.
Depression will have its antecedents in our early formative years, in our learnt beliefs, trauma or crisis. We may or may not know what triggers the depression later, in our teens or young adult life. It’s not always necessary to know or have the insights about what triggered it.
In our early years we unconsciously, as a psychological protective mechanism, freeze moments in time. The unconscious stops time, right on the edge of trauma or crisis in an attempt to stop the next moments becoming worse: For example: I am age 5, this important adult is yelling at me….I unconsciously stop time whilst they are yelling at me in case they start beating me……
These ‘frozen moments’ of ‘the yelling’ play on and on deep within our mind for a year or twenty years until something in our environment triggers the feelings of fear, sadness, helplessness, not necessarily the memories of, in this example, a yelling adult.
We may not even have noticed the trigger, for example: The newspaper seller shouting the news on the street had the same tone and delivery of voice as the yelling adult…..
We walked on by and suddenly we felt low or fearful.
These trigger encounters will connect deeply and significantly with our younger experience. Because, the part of us frozen in time never grew on in time and deeply continues to feel the ‘pain’ of those moments.
My work safely enters these frozen moments in time and brings resolution to the experiences, freeing the part of us who became ‘stuck’ enabling time to move on.
More about black dog depression and support at Blackdog Tribe.com
Thank you for listening.
Sally

www.sally-stubbs.com

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

Monday, July 9th, 2012

Sally Stubbs

Well, one of the four basic things that you and I have in common and that you and I absolutely need are: air, water, food and we also need emotional stability.
Emotional stability we can talk about for a long, long time. So today let’s talk about food!
I love food – ain’t food great! I also have a really great relationship with food, and with my body, maintaining a stable happy weight for me for nearly thirty years.

HOW IS THE PROPENSITY TO EATING ‘BAD’ FOOD PSYCHOLOGICAL?
We can go to the gym, we sweat, we’re full on motivated during our workout, determined to burn off some the fat. Then, after all this effort and feeling virtuous, we head home and eat every biscuit in sight! Reward! Biscuits were a reward for many of us in childhood!
We are worried, stressed or upset so we grab several bars of chocolate. We do this because when we were a child and fretful we were likely to be comforted by our parents with something sweet. We believe sweet stuff gives us comfort!
Neuro science tells us that our brains are genetically hard wired to seek emotional security, particularly from affection. As very young infants, one of the important times, for some of us, that we received affection or closeness was when our mother, or father, grandparent held us close and fed us. So, for some, our minds will carry the connection between food and affection or love. Emotional stability!
Our minds and brains store our perceptions and our responses, and so we learn from those early years to associate reward and comfort and emotional closeness with these types of food. These early life patterns of behaviour prevail.
Because of this, it takes psychological and emotional effort to defy our fat and sugar cravings.
As we are growing up through childhood, teens and into adulthood, and we are dealing with worries and problems we discover that fatty foods have a heavy quality to them, after eating these types of foods we feel sluggish and drowsy for a while, and we stop thinking. When we stop thinking we stop worrying and stressing. As a result we learn to believe that fatty foods will ease our worries!
CAN OTHER FACTORS COME INTO IT AS WELL?
Fat has more than twice the calories than any other nutrient. Calories are units of energy, and nature does not like skinny, nature sees fat as a friend!
Why?
If we briefly consider our history; several million years ago we humans had small brains, about the size of a chimpanzees. As we developed our skills our brains grew, and our stomachs shrank, but we still needed los of energy (calories) to run, we were hunters. Where did we get our energy to run? From fat.
Research has shown us that Aboriginal hunters eat the fat from the kill first. In our modern society we no longer need to run to live and survive, but nature is still keen on fat.
We can also consider that so many of us can feel stressed in our modern fast paced lives.
Fatty foods stimulate dopamine and nor-adrenalin, this chemical cocktail gives us the feeling of a ‘happy rush’, and we use this feeling as an unsuccessful attempt to resolve our stress.
Now we can find ourselves in a vicious cycle, the greater amounts of fat we eat the more our brain will produce a protein called galanin. What happens next? We’ve really got a problem, because galanin cause us to crave fat.
Sugar increases tryptophan which our body uses to make serotonin. Serotonin is the wonderful chemical which assists us to feel (temporarily!) in an ‘up’ state, more able to cope with stress and unhappiness.
Also, when we are experiencing long periods of stress in life we are producing a massive amount of unused adrenaline; we can then go into adrenal fatigue. This fatigue causes a sugar craving.
HOW CAN WE OVERCOME THIS?
We can realise what a fantastic job our ancient ancestors did for us, they got the energy they needed from fats, they ran, they survived. We are here today because of it, how great is that.
We can understand that the sculptor of our brain and mind is our environment. Our brain and mind depend critically on their wiring and growth from our experiences in our earlier life. The great news is, our brain and mind have the remarkable ability to adapt and to rewire.
How do we do this?
We can know that the fundamental truth about stress is that it comes from our personal perceptions, and our internal communication about an event or situation and our experience. We can choose to change both our perceptions and our internal communication.
I’ll give you a very simple example of what I’m talking about.
Our partner is late getting home. We can have a myriad of perceptions such as:
They are working hard and being really conscientious and loyal to their business.
We communicate internally with a dialogue of pride and make everything cosy and welcoming for them to arrive home.
Or: They have been in an accident. Our internal communications can cripple us with horror and dread. We make images of them lying in a pool of blood. We don’t know what to do, maybe phone their work – phone the hospitals.
Or: They are having an affair. Our internal communication makes those sexy images; we are frozen with fury, or slumped with loss and abandonment.

TIPS TO STOP WORRYING OR STRESSING:
• First we need to really consider and accept that the ‘happy rush’ we’ve been getting from these ‘bad’ foods is temporary and will never resolve our problems. Next:
• Make a decision to change your perceptions, the ones that are not serving you or celebrating your life.
• Start by slowing time in your mind just a little, you can do this by simply telling yourself: Slow down. This is so that you can observe your own unconscious perceptions of any situation that has been worrying or stressing you. Just be observant to begin with.
• Have a note book and write down a list of your worries or stresses. This is relevent because we can often begin to feel overwhelmed by worry, as if we have thousands of worries. Once we begin to separate them out, we usually discover we have only three or six or seven.
• If you have more than one worry, take each at a time separately and begin to objectively ask: what can I do about this ‘one’? And when you go to bed at night ask your dreams to comfortably give you solutions to this ‘one’. One of the main purposes of our dreams is to give us solutions that we have not even thought of before.
My dream is that we will all live happily in our own skin. And I know we can! Let’s get on with it hey. If you know someone who is struggling in their relationship with food please, please tell them about my course/treatment on CD’s and MP 3 download: Don’t Wait to Be the Right Weight
I never once use the word ‘diet’ on my course. I hope I have illustrated today why diets do not work!
Thinking of you warmly
Sally

sally@sally-stubbs.com

OF COURSE!

Friday, July 6th, 2012

Rapha Hypnosis Therapy

What you don’t want is ‘symptom replacement’.

Woke up this morning wondering, what I would be talking with you about today! Because, waking up is ‘of course’ the time, or one of the times, for us all to be inspired. As we are waking from sleep our conscious mind is still in touch with the wisdom of our unconscious mind.
Our unconscious, working for us through the night, giving us our dreams, our own kind of alchemy, working for us to assist us in discovering solutions to change our problems into ‘gold’ – and also giving us all gems of ideas…….
And, Bingo! This morning – as I was waking, I knew what to talk with you about today…..my courses! Of course!
For years and years I was Working to put my courses together, to get them right, to ensure that they will make profound shifts needed for individuals to move out of a problem state, which cause great effort and hardship, and into a Goal state – of peace, happiness, strength….. inner stability and inner certainty.
By the year 2000, when we were working and living in Singapore – my courses finally began to come together.
Writing them, I entered a world rigourous in linguistic discipline, because the Work in my courses needs to speak with you as an individual.
Needs to speak with the uniqueness and individuality of thousands – a million people.
The Work in my courses needs to ‘build a bridge’ for you to enter ‘with one foot’ your problem ‘world’ – to discover your own unique solutions and resolutions and then to move fully and finally out of your problem ‘world’ and into your goal ‘world’ of permanent successful results.
Also I entered a world rigorous in linguistic discipline because, strange as it may seem, the innovations* of my language in my courses do not attempt to lead or mislead you away from your own information. Also, that no solution from me is imported, but there is clean elegant guidance for you to find your own solutions. And it ensures that there is no interpretation of symptoms or why they existed.
And I also entered a world rigorous in linguistic discipline to absolutely ensure that in my courses there would be no suggestion to remove a symptom.
Why would I ensure my courses would never suggest symptom removal?
That’s the whole idea right?
Wrong!
Because simplistically, when we remove the symptom through suggestion, 99% of the time we will experience a symptom replacement!
* Meaning: the act or process of inventing or introducing something that does not belong to your inner ‘world’.
Let us consider a simple example of what I mean by symptom replacement.
I have heard, what I’m about to illustrate, from so called therapists with audio CD’s available, over and over and over – and it makes me fume!
Let’s take an over weight symptom for example:
The therapist states in a low monotonous voice:
“You will relax… you are so relaxed ……you will eat less and less…..you will feel comfortable…. you will lose weight”………… This mumbo jumbo is suggesting removal of the symptom, basically over eating.
Only a very small percentage of people who over eat who are doing this by pure habit. The larger percentage of over weight people have eating difficulties which are driven by an unconscious problem.
The problem is individual but generally speaking will be something like: feeling ‘Empty’ – feeling lonely – feeling useless – feeling a failure – feeling unacceptable….. needing ‘comfort’…… we could go on and on………
A therapist saying: “Relax; stop eating so much…….” is focused on removing the symptom – not resolving the problem.
The problem – feeling ‘Empty’ – lonely – useless – a failure – unaccepted……….. needs resolution.
If this kind of suggestion does remove the symptom of over eating – because the problem is still there – the problem will replace the old symptom of over eating with a new one, let’s say – anger, nervousness, anxiety….
The problem is saying: Attend to ‘me’ resolve my emptiness, my feeling lonely, my feeling useless, my feeling a failure…….
So that is just one of the reasons why my courses are different, requiring your time and effort, 30 minutes a day for 40 days – because they bring about the permanent resolution of your problem.
We offer a money back guarantee!
Do have a look at more information why my courses are 30 minutes a day for 40 days – it’s a great consideration that the mind can bring about permanent resolution in 40 days……..
Thinking of you warmly

Rapha Hypnosis Therapy

Sally

please contact me in confidence –  Sally@sally-stubbs.com

EPISTEMOLOGICAL EXERCISE?

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012

Sally Stubbs

Hi Everyone
As our Dear David Groves used to say after every lecture and as we filed out the class room – to go get our coffee and cakes!!: “Metaphors Be with You…..” in his best Star Trekky voice!!!
I ‘took’ to David’s Work like the proverbial ‘Duck to water’ – which I can verify as each spring time, this year, every year, that we’ve been lucky to live by ‘our’ river, we watch, with soppy type sentimental grins on our faces, the teeny weeny fluffy baby ducklings take to the water of the River Greta flowing merrily past our back door.
I mean we’ve heard a rumour that Greta is one of the fastest flowing rivers in the UK – some may dispute the rumour! But hey, the water is fast and there are these little groups of minute ducklings confidently making their way in the full force……. Awesome!
It was, is, like that for me with Metaphors and David’s genius Work. Awesome!
Sometimes our conscious mind wants to make sense of the Epistemological Metaphors.
So let’s just remember for a few moments Stella. She did not say she wanted her skin to be clear of Psoriasis – (which did happen within a few weeks of her Work with me….) she said she wanted to stop feeling almost utterly helpless and she wanted to feel strong.
Epistemology did this for her! This is what is awesome for us to reflect upon. We as unique individuals know how we know the truth of our own thoughts and feelings of an experience, and therefore we as individuals know how to discover the solutions and resolutions to our psychological and emotional problems.
Epistemology is the branch of philosophy that serves to answer the question: How do you know what you know?
I asked Stella: “And when you don’t feel strong and you feel almost utterly helpless, how do you know you don’t feel strong and you feel almost utterly helpless?
Stella’s unique knowing was like a heavy feeling in the whole of her chest, and from her knowing, with clean language, we developed the metaphor of a bee, and her 13 year old self, trapped in a heavy metal cage, from which there was a glimpse of some lovely hills in the distance.
Let’s just briefly consider the wonder of Stella’s Epistemological Metaphors.
The ‘bee’ showed her the way to her freedom to – BE – herself, to ‘move on and journey’ through her life to BE – OK – to know where to go, with strength and loveliness to ‘weather the storms’ (the lovely hills!) Awesome isn’t it!!!
My audio treatments/courses Work with generalised metaphors – in such a way as every unique individual mind will respond with the metaphors of the stories that I’ve written and recorded for you, in the right way for each persons needs. And that’s awesome too!!!
Here is something that you can do to gain your own WOW moments of how you know what you know, safely.
Ask the Epistemological question!!
Don’t ask the Epistemological question of your own needs, for now; ask the question of a few friends or family. Make it a simple question, your friend or family member will feel comfortable I promise.
Ask of four different people: (start with the word And*, only if YOU feel comfortable): “And, when you feel unhappy, how do you know that you feel unhappy?”
If you feel that asking this particular question is too invasive of your friends privacy – then simply, instead of asking: How do you know that you feel UNHAPPY – Ask: “How do you know that you feel HAPPY when you feel HAPPY?”
You will receive as many entirely different answers as the entirely different number of people you ask the question…..
And this is why Therapy cannot have suppositions, presuppositions, analysis and so on……….. about any individual’s problem.

• *“And” is a Clean Language conduit. It provides a natural bridge between the question and where the person’s information is sourced.
• “And” also allows two experiences to co-exist. (e.g. I loved my mum AND I hated the way she … )
Oh and please do let me know what you think about our new site www.rapha-hypnosis.com you will be most welcomed. Thank you

Thinking of you warmly
Sally

www.sally-stubbs.com

My personal and private e mail: sally@sally-stubbs.com