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Archive for May, 2013

Your Self Esteem…….Believe in Your ‘Self’

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

Sally with fish

Let’s talk some more about my friend the Little Girl and what she has to say.
Because, whatever problem any of us may be suffering – her wisdom is wondrously universal. Her wisdom will assist any of us to gain insights as to how we can return to be our pristine, resourceful, happy ‘self’.

So my friend the Little Girl, you may remember I’ve spoken of her a few times before. She has been talking to me about what she calls ‘blind spots’.
She said: “You can have blind spots about your self and about other people and situations. Blind spots happen when you have an ‘Ouch’ sometimes a huge ‘Ouch’. Some ‘Ouches’ are small and they can add up, like a sum, to a big ‘Ouch’ Blind spots are made of horrid stuff – that’s not real Tho’ they feel real until you see thru’ them.”
Bear with me please – this is such pure information, and can make for such huge valuable & really important changes.
She and I talked for a couple of hours about ‘blind spots’ and I’m about to have the great impudence to précis our talk!!
OK – examples are the simplest way to précis.
Your parent, parents, teacher, friend, sibling communicates to your ‘self’:
“Your (self is) stupid – ugly – useless – a failure – unacceptable…………. A waste of space.” You know these communications hey? You can add to my list if you like!
Hearing this stinky stuff – or sometimes seeing it in a glare from an eye – Your self feels ‘Ouch’
Add a few ‘Ouches’ together, and like a sum, there is a big ‘Ouch’ and your ‘self’ – your real beautiful bright useful acceptable ‘self’ goes into hiding, withdraws.
And your ‘self’ often takes your MoJo with it – into hiding. Your MoJo – becomes hidden unavailable. Why would our ‘self’ hide our MoJo? Simplistically, we hide our MoJo as an attempt to protect our self from more ‘Ouches’
The ‘blind spot’ pitches up so you no longer see your real beautiful bright useful acceptable ‘self’.
The ‘blind spot’ was created out of a non real, non true substance from a wrong communication, which caused an ‘Ouch’, from parent, teacher, friend, sibling.
By the way, seeing thru’ the wrong communication does not take away the good parts from your Mum, Dad, friend, teacher……. We can know the truth: “this person, these people, were wrong – AND – they have good qualities & intentions.
So why would you bother to restore your self to ‘it’s’ rightful place and state of harmony, by you discovering how to do this? So that your ‘self’ can and will experience a fulfilled life
Because when our ‘self’ is withdrawn, holding back, in hiding we are living a half life.
So how can you begin to restore your self to ‘its’ rightful place of being safe, acceptable, beautiful, and therefore successful?

Get started on my half an hour a day for forty days courses on Cd or MP3 download. Money back guarantee. Have a look at the website:  Is this a sales pitch? Absolutely it is! Why? Because I have a dream to end all emotional suffering and we can achieve this by restoring the right & rightful control back to the ‘self’.
There’s a sample track: from Gain Self Esteem as a delicious ‘taster’ for you: on You Tube. This is one track of 15 of the whole course.
I did ‘the course’ nearly 30 years ago. I know how my ‘self’ suffered when ‘it’ was hiding. Why 40 days, why half an hour a day? – this is not fast food therapy – this is lasting – your ‘self’ needs real nourishment to feel safe to be free – to be your self.
You will comfortably find and restore your self. Your self has your MoJo which once you’ve found it enables you to be and do what you want.
I’ve mentioned Jon before: Jon contacted me; he wanted to do one of my courses and did not know which one. He said: “My problem is I’m really stupid.” Although he is a successful business man, and he has two university Degrees, nice family and second home in France, he believed he was really stupid. I said: “I understand you believe you are stupid.” This was Jon’s belief. Beliefs are not the truth – they control us from inside – The belief took Jon half an hour a day for 10 days of the 40 day course to untangle, differentiate, and then resolve and change. We cannot change the density of a self belief by suddenly saying every day: “I’m really clever & I’m really bright” The belief “I’m stupid” is still there churning away
He did my 40 day CD course Gain Self Esteem. He found his ‘self’!
Please feel free to contact me if you would like my advice:  I am here to help.
Once we find and restore our self to ‘it’s’ rightful place, we easily become the ‘ever vigilant guardian of our ‘inner’ space – meaning the ‘Ouches’ from others no longer can enter our ‘inner space’ Just as we do not allow others to enter our home and dump their ‘muck’ in our living room!!
Thinking of you warmly

Sally Stubbs
Cures that Endure

Curvey Yes’s & Curvey No’s………………

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013


You know I believe ‘pussy footing around’ really is not that ‘sexy’!

And for ‘big’ things in our life – for sure we need to ‘sit on the fence’ a while and gather information, ‘flirt with ideas’, before we can ‘get off the fence’ and ‘say’ our NO! or our YES! with, if not always absolute certainty, at least with an acceptance of ‘risk’‘risk’ that will not injure our self or others……………

I have a 5 year old client, she clearly says: ‘There are straight Yes’s and straight No’s, and there a curvy Yes’s and curvy No’s. You must always be straight, curvy can be very messy, and sometimes you need to wait to know you have a straight Yes or a straight No.’

I have learnt masses from this 5 year old…….

I listened on the BBC radio 4 website to a recent programme called:

The Trouble with Moody Teenagers.

Lucy talked about being suicidal after her Dad died.

John talked about hiding himself away after being bullied.

Neither of these kids could ask for help, until eventually they were ‘exploding’.


Other kids talked about being suicidal, not coping, hiding in their rooms, being on an emotional roller coaster. Their suffering was described as: “Children being in mental smog…” Statistics say that: Every school class has one student needing urgent help.

This isn’t about teenage angst, and mood swings driven by hormonal changes.

This is about suffering.

The pain, like Lucy’s and John’s, can come from our own personal trauma. The pain, for others, can also be the distress and anguish of our ‘collective unconscious’ Dr. John Sarno calls it

‘The Epidemic of Mind Body Disorders.’

This is a story about, who I am going to call, “Debbie”.

I’m off the ‘fence’ and ‘shooting from the hip here’!

Debbie is 28 years old; she was diagnosed ten years ago with Depression and prescribed anti depressants.

Three of her friends have been clients of mine, and all three have been urging Debbie to come and see me, which she did last week. I have total respect for Debbie, in that she had to make a journey of over two hours driving to get to Keswick. Getting out of bed in the morning is an absolute ‘nightmare’ because her body, she said ‘weighs a ton’. She does not want to wake up. Debbie’s pretty face and eyes are like a solid, frozen ‘mask’.

Debbie had already told me on the phone that she had completely lost her “me” and constantly she feels totally numb. In my ‘world’ Debbie’s problem is not depression. Her problem is clearly that she lost her “me” which is more than likely the cause of her feeling constantly totally numb.

Because of the mammoth effort she made to get to Keswick I said I wanted to ‘shoot from the hip’ Debbie nodded her head in agreement.

So I asked what happened about ten years ago. “My Mum died” said Debbie, telling that she was very, very close to her Mum.

Still ‘shooting from the hip’ (I would normally go around the edges of a problem state, and never ask for a memory) I asked: “What is your last memory of your Mum?”

Debbie: “I am sitting beside my Mum, she is lying in the bed and she is dying.”

Believe me, I personally totally understand such Great, Great loss. And it is absolutely necessary for us to grieve for the sake of our Heart and Mind. But the loss of “me” and chronic numbness is not a part of grief.

Debbie is in a “T Minus One” This is the moment that Debbie ‘Froze’ in an unsuccessful attempt to stop the next moment – of her Dear Mum’s death. This is the moment that Debbie lost her “me” and went into feeling numb.

Simplistically Debbie’s “me” is still, as her memory tells us, sitting by her dying Mum’s bed………

Our Work together for me and Debbie, would be to very carefully assist her “me” to ‘leave’ that chair where her “me” is still sitting……… And she could have done this with one of my audio courses/treatments. But she now needs a bit of me as she believes that her numbness has, over the years, become too dense for her ‘self’ to make the effort.

I believe that Debbie’s story will make sense to you. I believe her story will somehow help you.

So, here’s my ‘shoot from the hip’ thought: Wouldn’t it be perfect if our very, very well meaning well intentioned doctors would say, instead of: “You’re depressed, here are your Meds.”

“You are in “T Minus One” I’ll phone a Therapist for you who Works this way…..”

Ten years of such suffering for Debbie, and others, it’s Heart Wrenching………..

Thinking of you warmly……. Come visit us on our Rapha Hypnosis site: you’ll be most warmly welcome

Warm wishes






Chew on Something Different………

Thursday, May 16th, 2013

Sally Boa on wall

A father telephoned me and said that he and his wife could not cope with their daughter’s habit any longer – and would I see the girl.
I said yes – only if you ask first – that she will want to choose to see me. Her choice of course. She was aged 15 at the time. She could have been age 8, the same applies, it must, even for a youngster, be their choice.
She wanted to speak with me on the phone first, and check me out. At the end of our nearly an hour on the phone she said she thought: I was Mint! How ace is that!
She did – I am happy to say want to – come along to see me, do some Work with me.
I did say on the phone that my half an hour a day for 40 CD or MP3 course

Gain Self Esteem & Self Confidence  would work for her. She said she wanted to see me!
The parents brought the girl – They said that she constantly, everywhere chewed on her tongue – which was really annoying to them. The point is: Did it really annoy the girl and did she want to cease, not especially for her parents ‘peace of mind’ – did she want to stop for her self. Fortunately (for the parents) that was her goal.
I told the parents that they must leave the room so that the girl and I could Work in private.
We Worked on – what was driving her tongue chewing habit – we discovered that her problem was her annoyance at certain others. She wasn’t annoyed with her parents by the way. We did some very clean elegant Work on resolving her annoyance
Next I wanted to be able to really access her Annoyance – so –
And the kid really got annoyed and chewed harder and harder on her tongue.
I went on to say:
“ Can – YOU BE CLEVER – and stop wasting your tongue chewing everywhere and on everyone.”
I said: “Decide who really annoys you. Then every evening sit as close as you can to your parents – and chew your tongue – really hard – for seventeen minutes.
Watch the time – watch your watch – or watch the clock – make it seventeen minutes.
Be noisy – do it properly with all the gusto you’ve got. You could growl and snarl.
If you cannot sit next to both parents – then you will have to do them one at a time.
You can chew hard – and growl and snarl for thirty-four minutes – every evening.
Each day at school – choose one of those people that annoys you – BE SMART – don’t waste your chewing over hundreds of others – choose the ones who annoy you.
Go and chew next to the chosen one for the whole of your break time – Every day this can be a different person. If you run out of people that annoy you – well – just start over.
Chew hard and snarl real low, so no one will hear you, for the whole of your break – every day.
Well – I tell you – that kid – she soon got fed – up – she soon felt really restricted – So – she joined the debating club instead. There were some great subjects for her where she could really positively channel her verbalized succinct annoyance. And she had fun.
She came back to see me – and said: I LIKE YOU…. Which from a kid – who I had told a while back – YOU ARE PATHETIC…. Is true praise. She gave me praise – and I truly wanted to give her praise – I said: YOU ARE SO BRIGHT….. and she responded – YOU ARE CONFIDENT….. and it wasn’t a question. Next….. it felt like together we were weaving something marvelous and tangible – like the real fabric of life – as I ADDED LOVELY THREADS – and did MAKE CONNECTIONS….. I also said – yes and –YOU ALSO ARE NOW MORE AND MORE CONFIDENT….. which is not open to debate.
We talked about what had all that tongue tied – all that chewed up stuff been about…..and agreed – there is no need to know – it is all in the past…….
We also agreed that debate helps….. YOU BECOME FREE…. Helps YOU BECOME MORE AND MORE CERTAIN…… that it is totally wonderful to BE YOURSELF….. EXPRESS YOUR POINT OF VIEW….. and know that from any view point there are at least 360 degree angle…….
I will look forward to seeing her again – just so we know – IT IS SO GOOD TO THINK DIFFERENTLY….

*R.A.P.H.A. Together we at Sally Stubbs have spent a number of years developing R.A.P.H.A. – cutting edge: clean strategies which give back inner control to each individual – which is where control rightfully belongs. The control of having the choice of how to think and feel & respond to all and any situation – being happily, fully one’s self.

Kiss Me Kate …..

Thursday, May 9th, 2013


Sally Stubbs

Sally Stubbs

Remember Amy – and her mother Kate?
Let’s recap:
Amy is in a new and happy relationship with Ted. They have been living contentedly and lovingly together for a few months.
Amy has a history of her father, who was a hard working man and loyal to his family, often coming home late from his job.
Amy’s Mum, Kate, was a woman who was protective of her family. Kate had been adopted when she was two and half years old. Kate had been seriously neglected as a baby by her parents who would leave their terrified baby to go out drinking.
Every time Amy’s Dad was late home from work, the young Amy witnessed and felt the furious and accusing response from Kate, her Mum, to her Dad.
Kate was being triggered into her ‘baby’ response of being terrified when she had a perception that she was being ‘abandoned’. No rational brain thinking such as: “My husband is devoted to us & he is looking after us by earring overtime……” can free Kate from her Unconscious response. Neither will such poppy cock as mind ‘control’ & mind ‘re-programming’, relaxation, EFT, CBT, ever resolve Kate’s response of terror. What will definitely cure Kate’s terror is Freeing & healing the wounded ‘child’ within her. My kind of Work!
Amy’s unconscious, when she was a small child, learnt to believe that this is the behaviour that must happen when you’re man is late home…..
Five months into Amy’s relationship living with Ted, he is late home.
Amy cannot get him on his mobile.
Amy’s conscious rational mind tries to consider that Ted is stuck in traffic, Ted has bumped into a mate and gone for a quick pint he hasn’t noticed the time, the battery is flat on Ted’s mobile….. and so on and so on…………..
But Amy’s unconscious mind has a perception, (which was learnt from her Mum’s behaviour,) her learnt belief kicks in automatically, as beliefs do, that Ted is abandoning and betraying her.
Amy, if you remember resolved this inner controlling of responses & behaviours belief, Amy chose to do my half an hour a day for 40 days Rapha* Course on CD “Have Harmonious Relationships”
All my Courses spend at least 10 days – that is 10 minutes or so for 10 days – on exploring and then deconstructing the depths of negative, destructive, self beliefs, which are pretty unique to every individual and their own life story & experiences.

Kate’s husband, John, that’s Amy’s Dad, only wanted a kiss and a smile on his return home! Kate’s ‘driving’ pain of terror of abandonment became so chronic and acute, that by the time Amy was a young teenager Kate was in a fury, even when John was home on time!
Maybe you’ve witnessed parallel behaviours in others in your life time? The more someone overeats – the more they overeat, the more sleepless someone is, the less and less they sleep, the more someone worries the more they worry, the more nervous someone is the more nervous they become, the more angry………… Why?

Simplistically, the more we use that neural net – the more that neural net is instantly activated. The Great News! (Which we did not have ‘proof’ off ‘til around 3 decades ago) The neural net is not hard wired. We can change it. To do that we need to HEAL the problematic emotions – in Kate’s experience the emotion was Terror – at being abandoned. In a baby’s case – the Terror is of death. That is a monumentally huge terror.
Kate came to Work with me, urged by Amy I must say, who’d told Kate about my 40 day Course.
Kate is pretty & blonde. To begin with her head was bent most of the time and eye contact was rare. One of the first things Kate said was: “I’m too old to change, I don’t think – you can really help.” At the time Kate was 54.
I elegantly assured her – we’re never too old.
Now, here is something that will really interest you. Kate said: “I know I have some horrible feelings deep inside me, but I do not have the memories.”
You don’t need to have the memories to heal and free a wounded, stuck, lost, part of your self. The feelings, tho’ indeed horrible ‘guide’ to the healing of the feelings.
Kate did just that in our Work together, she found and freed and healed her self.
Is Kate happy now? Is John happy now? Oh, Yes!
Oh, and thank you for the ideas for our documentary film. Brilliant! Keep ‘em coming. Professor Kathryn Rossi & Dr Ernest Rossi have happily agreed to be involved – they’re doing an interview for us. That will be Mint!
Speak soon


Sally Stubbs
Cures that Endure