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Archive for December, 2014

DEALING WITH FAMILY PROBLEMS AT CHRISTMAS

Wednesday, December 17th, 2014
Derwentwater with snow on fells behind

Snowfall in Keswick

Compliments of the Season to One & All:

Christmas Day – do you have a problem with step families, ex partner, or members of the family who do not get along, I am sad to say that undercurrents are still running at this time of year but I am able to offer you ideas to make the day happy, or harmonious. I’m am sure that if you do take this challenge on and follow my ‘Top Tips’ you will be so pleased with yourself and be happy. What a great achievement for you to accomplish harmony at Christmas when there could have been the horror of conflicts and disputes.
My Top Tips:
• First: You need to decide to take on the task on making Christmas Day to be happy, or harmonious.
• Having made this decision you need to set a Goal. Writing down goals is very useful.
• Write down, in your own words, the positive outcome for Christmas Day.

Something like: The day will be harmonious between me – and ‘that person’ or ‘those people’
• Never write a goal in the negative for example: There will be no fighting and fall outs on Christmas Day. Your brain will begin to access every imaginable states of fighting and fall out, and low and behold it will more than likely happen!
• Having spent some time really refining your own goal for harmony on Christmas day. Make a list of the people, however many. It might be just you and one other, or a number of people.
• In your list, no matter how it may gall you to do this, take one person at a time from you list, and tell yourself: They are difficult to relate to because they have had some difficulties. No matter how obnoxious or tricky their behaviour may have been in the past, the truth is a person is only difficult in their behaviour because they have suffered, or believe they have suffered. So, for this work to create harmony on Christmas Day, your goal is to just accept they have suffered.
• Then, and again I’m sad to say, it is you who has to be the strong one here, even though you may have had past grievances, ask yourself: What do each of these people need, or need to know so that for this one special day they can have harmony?
Examples: A step child, you may discover would like you to just ‘leave them alone’. The secret is when we realise a person needs to be just left alone we need to have a congruently calm mind about doing this. Our mind must not be chuntering in the back ground as we smile and ‘leave them alone’. They will know that we are chuntering away quietly which will lead eventually to disharmony. Maybe the Ex’s new partner would like to be admired. You may dislike her/him but you can find something to admire about them!
• Go through your list a number of times, realise that as you do this you can do it with good grace, because trust me these kinds of strategies will strengthen you in your thoughts and in your mind, and you will feel strong and calm.
• As you go through your list parts of you may object, for example to admiring the ex’s partner. So let these parts of you object, and then negotiate with those parts of yourself that what you want to achieve for the day is your goal: Harmony at Christmas.
• All this can be done believe me. It will take a little effort from you. So you need to get writing your goal and your lists – Now!
• By the way – as soon as you get focused on doing this you will have some amazing dreams whilst you’re asleep, with some great solutions and ideas. How great is that!
• Last of all when you know what everyone needs, when you know you can do this for every one, you can begin to imagine all the people having a peaceful day together…… And You achieved that…… congratulations!
Peace on Earth…..

Sally

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sally@sally-stubbs.com

www.sally-stubbs.com