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Archive for the ‘Self Confidence’ Category

DEPRESSION – AN INADEQUATE NAME…….?

Wednesday, December 11th, 2013

Catbells in FebruaryI woke up today – bright and cheerful – but also sad for those of us who are not consistently cheerful and optimistic: which ‘believe it or not’ is our natural state to be in.

So I thought that the ‘black dog’ is a worthy subject for us to consider…….

Depression: a term coined by Adolf Meyer, has been considered an inadequate name.  William Styron in his account of his depression: Darkness Visible: wrote: ‘Melancholia’  would still be far more apt and evocative a word for the blacker forms of the disorder, but it was usurped by a noun with a bland formality lacking any magisterial presence.

American author Susan Sontag was more succinct: “Depression is melancholy minus its charms…” Churchill named his own depression – ‘black dog’. He was not the first or last to use ‘black dog’ to describe depression. While the term has survived Churchill, its origins remain obscured in the history of the English language.  Churchill’s daughter, Lady Soames, said of her father’s depression: “A lot has been made of the depressive side of his character by psychiatrists who were never in the same room with him. He himself talks of his ‘black dog’, and he did have times of great depression, but marriage to my mother very largely kennelled the ‘black dog’.” Whatever our personal opinion may be on Churchill’s achievements, he certainly did achieve, even though chronically haunted by his ‘black dog’. I say: “We need to celebrate how well those of us suffering depression do function, and do achieve.”

I have worked as a clinical hypnotherapist and licensed psychotherapist for many years with young people suffering with depression. I have total respect for their inner strengths to cope. The psychological and emotional ‘worlds’ of depression which they have, not out of any conscious choice, entered, do not relate in anyway to the ‘worlds’ of day to day life. And so it takes massive energy for the sufferer to even attempt to relate to life.  Depression is often compounded with anxiety, such as shame, fear of the weakness to be able to change; (“Pull your self up with your boot laces!” Which actually defies physics, we can’t!) Guilt about having ‘mental illness’ and maybe guilt about how the illness affects others; family and friends.  We know the unbearable tragic statistics: around one million people in the world commit suicide each year; one in five of us, say the World Health Organisation, will suffer a ‘’mental illness’. Medication helps temporarily; it helps to get a flow of energy, specifically serotonin. But, it does not cure. For thirty years my focus has been on cure rather than management or control.  As Churchill’s daughter said; “… marriage to my mother very largely kennelled the black dog”.

However, I see that the ‘black dog’ is still looming, a dark presence in the back yard kennel, sadly ever ready to pounce!

How can we bring a cure?  As I truly do not want to lose you here, I repeat, I have total respect for the suffering of depression. I too suffered, in the early 1980’s; my life was not worth living.  I had a brilliant Therapist, David Grove!  I’ve had no recurrence of ‘depression’, the ‘black dog’ was set free, but that’s a whole story in itself, as the ‘black dog’ is a wounded part of our ‘Me’. Sure, I have had challenges, and sadness and loss, and I’ve discovered solutions to challenges and moved on, and I’ve grieved and moved on from my loss.

The next part of my discussion with you is largely based on my successful Work as a therapist plus my experience and rigourous study:  Anxiety and depression can become compounded into an undifferentiated mass of psychological and emotional information, leading us to experience the unsolvable horrific cycle of: “The same damned thing over and over again….” My Work differentiates out the anxiety, and brings resolution to the fears and shame; we can then give full attention to the depression. Depression will have its antecedents in our early formative years, in our learnt beliefs, trauma or crisis. We may or may not know what triggers the depression later, in our teens or young adult life. It’s not always necessary to know or have the insights about what triggered it.  In our early years we unconsciously, as a psychological protective mechanism, freeze moments in time. The unconscious stops time, right on the edge of trauma or crisis in an attempt to stop the next moments becoming worse: For example: I am age 5, this important adult is yelling at me….I unconsciously stop time whilst they are yelling at me in case they start beating me…… These ‘frozen moments’ of ‘the yelling’ play on and on deep within our mind for a year or twenty years until something in our environment triggers the feelings of fear, sadness, helplessness, not necessarily the memories of, in this example, a yelling adult.  We may not even have noticed the trigger, for example: The newspaper seller shouting the news on the street had the same tone and delivery of voice as the yelling adult….. We walked on by and suddenly we felt low or fearful.  These trigger encounters will connect deeply and significantly with our younger experience. Because, the part of us frozen in time never grew on in time and deeply continues to feel the ‘pain’ of those moments.  My work safely enters these frozen moments in time and brings resolution to the experiences, freeing the part of us who became ‘stuck’ enabling time to move on.

More about black dog depression and support at www.blackdogtribe.com

Thank you for listening.

Warmly  Sally

sally@sally-stubbs.com

www.sally-stubbs.com

10 Top Tips To Get Happy Now!

Thursday, March 7th, 2013

Be Happy1. Choose to Change:-     What stops us being happy, no matter what is happening in our life, are our ‘inner’ thoughts and beliefs.

2. Consider a Formula for Change:-    Every hour and a half throughout your day, pause for a few seconds and say, “I can change my thoughts and beliefs which do not celebrate my life”. The brain is in rest phase and the mind is ready to learn something new.

3.  Identify Your Desired State:-     Take time and write down your goal, your desired state. Focus throughout the day and plan your most important journey of your life – to happiness.

4.  Keep A Notebook:-    Carry your notebook and make lists – be ready to write down anything that will make you happier.

5.  Remind Yourself Why You Need Change:-    Get fully motivated towards reaching your destination. Imagine yourself with a serene or smiley face: hear your voice, strong, certain or calmn and notice the change.

6.  Keep Your Saboteurs In Check:-    Say your Mum had been a constant worrier – consistantly scared for your safety and wellbeing. Chronic worrying is a waste of time and life. You can say to yourself “I am going to have clear thoughts with loads of energy for my brain to respond with new and happier thought patterns.”

7.  Reflect:-    Take time to reflect on your percetions and response and discover you have the choice to change your peceptions and therefore your responses. Your mind and brain can now begin to have safe responses rather than her habituated fear responses.

8.  Pay Attention To Your Thoughts:-    Interrupt your patterns of ‘down’ thinking. So do something fast, really different like splashing your face with cold water and you will train yourself to interrupt your negative thought patterns.

9.  Find Your Space:-    Choose a time every day  say 15 – 20 minutes for time and space just for you. Choose to think things that make you feel good. You will soon discover that it is entirely up to you. You will then see how you will begin to feel ‘up’ and happier for longer and longer periods of time.

10.  Smile Every Day:-    Smiling instantly lifts your mood: If Life Gives You Lemons – How 10 Seconds a Day Will Bring You Happiness.

 

Enjoy my top tips: comments welcome sally@sally-stubbs.com

Sally

sally-stubbs.com

www.rapha-hypnosis.com

 

 

 

A Travel Guide To Get You Out Of A Rut!

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Sally Stubbs

Hop out of your rut?

We’ve had a really great response from readers of Time Out London, brilliant and a very warm welcome to you all.
.

I’ve been thinking about how we get ‘stuck’ in patterns of thinking, beliefs and behaviours, which do not actually validate our self and do not fully celebrate our life.

It’s like the story about two frogs.
One of them is hopping around in a deep rut made by heavy passing traffic. The other frog shouts down to him:
“Hey, come up here, it’s much nicer and there’s plenty of food.” The frog down below looks up:
“I can’t get out.” “I’ll give you a hand,” says the other frog
“Leave me alone, I’m fine, I find food down here.”
“OK,” says the second frog, “But there’s much more space up here to explore and see and hear different things, and feel the sun and the breeze. And you’ll sleep better out here.”
“I’ve got everything I need down here.” says the hopping around in his lonely hole frog.
“What about companionship with other frogs?”
“Oh friends pass by above me and I see them distantly for a while.”
The second frog heaves a frog sigh and bounces off.
A few days later the second frog is amazed to see the first frog jumping natural frog jumps about beside him:
“Hey, what happened, I thought you were staying in your rut?”
“Yeah, I got out! There was a big truck coming!”

A few people over the years have said to me:
“Um, well, I haven’t heard or seen the truck coming at me yet!”
And basically a few of these same people have carried on to say: “What’s the point in getting out of my rut? I’ve adapted my self to being here. Sure, I’m disconnected from other people; I’m even disconnected from my real self. So, I’m not healthily nourished. However it’s safe to ‘hide’ in my rut! And the truck coming will never get me.”
This really is the Essence of why we stay stuck in the rut – it is a place or state to be safe.
Let’s take a few moments to consider a few symptoms to help make sense of this wonderful metaphor of the stuck frog.
Symptoms such as nervousness, anxieties, fears, sleeplessness, difficulty relating to other people and to our self, difficulty in relating happily to our food intake – and so on………
All these symptoms are actually searching for the problem – and the problem is that at certain times in our life we got ‘stuck’ The issue is that this problem is a paradox – in that being ‘stuck’ – was originally a protection, a safe space to live a part life – never- the-less a ‘safe’ space at the time. Eventually our ‘safe’ space begins to feel more like a prison, we feel disconnected from life and from our vast potentials.
So I think that I can say, as an overview of my Work, 1:1 – and my Work on my half an hour a day for 40 day CD / MP3 audio courses: is I’m assisting the discovery of a safe natural space outside of the ‘rut’. I’m a travel guide to getting out the rut.
By the way I have uploaded one of the 15 tracks from my ‘Don’t Wait to be the Right Weight’ audio treatment to You Tube for you to get a feel for how I communicate with your unconscious. Have a listen?
Celebrating life and thinking of you warmly
Sally

sally@sally-stubbs.com
Cures that Endure

www.sally-stubbs.com

SHOOTING FROM THE HIP?

Friday, July 27th, 2012

 I woke up this morning wondering what I’d be talking to you about today – and Bingo – in that hypnogogic state, those few moments of waking, when our unconscious is flowing with important information for us I had a great memory.
Dear ole David Grove, in my memory this morning, he’s striding up and down teaching.
He’s wearing khaki shorts a tee shirt and he’s bare foot. David is a Maori on his mother’s side of his family.
As he’s striding up and down he’s using his arms as if he’s firing an arrow from a bow. (he is mixing his Metaphors here – but do I care! No way – the man is a genius with an awesomely huge heart!)
David is saying; “You ‘pull back’ time to before the negative debilitating beliefs and ‘pain’; you ‘pull back’ time to the time of a pristine mind.
And then you fire the magic bullet (the pristine resourceful mind) into the present”.
Well David named the ‘bullet’: magic. And in my last post I named it golden.
My image of the golden bullets is that the ‘gold’ is liquid, flowing into the mind, pristine and pure.
We are ‘pulling back’ time and as we ‘move’ back through time we resolve and change the negative beliefs, until we have a pristine mind.
GOLDEN BULLET FOR THOSE DARK DAYS – HOW TO BE UPBEAT AND LIGHT
How to turn a bad day into a good one, like when you wake up feeling there’s a big black cloud hanging over you:
• Stop waking with the ‘dark cloud’ and dream well. What do I mean? How do I do that?
• We dream several times a night, and the main purpose of our rapid eye movement (REM) dreams is to search for solutions to our problems. A difficulty can be that we are dreaming in those last few minutes or so before we awake and we awake with the darkness of a problem still hanging there unresolved.
• To dream well, – as you are dropping off to sleep at night you can clearly instruct your unconscious, that is the part of the mind where dreams come from.
• Tell your mind clearly and with energy: I want my dreams to search comfortably for solutions, and I will awake in the morning feeling clearer and lighter.
• When you give yourself this instruction before falling asleep – do not actually mention a particular problem, until you become more accomplished at your dream work. The unconscious mind will use its own wisdom to search for solutions.
GOLDEN BULLETS TO FREE YOURSELF OF THE ‘DARK CLOUD’ AND HAVE A GOOD DAY
• If your dream work takes a while to really kick in for you in a positive way, and you still awake for a while with the ‘dark cloud’ you can use what we call ‘pattern interruption’ to dispel it. This means: do something very, very different and with as much energy as you can muster.
• Example: Just sit up in bed and shout out loud something like: I am sitting here (Truism) I am breathing (Truism) Brighter days are good! (Truism)
• Sing out loud, very loud, loads of energy, a song that’s maybe funny, daft or upbeat. Then move.
• Einstein said: ‘Nothing can happen until something moves!’ So move, get out of bed, and do something else that is entirely different – like throw ice cold water in your face! Dance!
• Why? Because when we interrupt our patterns of behaviour, and I’m calling the ‘dark cloud’ a behaviour, we need only do this 2 or 3 times, and when we do the interruption with energy the brain stops being able to access the old pattern.
MORE GOLDEN BULLETS ON HOW TO TURN A BAD DAY INTO A GOOD DAY
How to turn a bad day into a good one when, let’s say for an example, you walk into the office and find your boss in a vile mood.
• Check your beliefs? Do you believe that their behaviour is about you? Could your belief be wrong? Are they having a hard time from someone else and maybe splurging their hurt feeling around you? If this is what they are doing, you can of course choose to think How sad for them, and shrug it off you. Or you can choose to protect yourself emotionally, by imagining yourself, for example, behind a strong glass shield where their behaviour cannot ‘get to you’.
• Realise that we cannot change another person, unless they ask us for help. We can only change our own responses in a way that is comfortable and strengthening of our self, and also generally respectful of another’s needs.
• We can ‘walk away’ from the situation even if we actually remain right next to the person, we can still ‘walk away’ – knowing this important thing, it is our choice to ‘walk away’ we are not being forced, pushed or controlled by their behaviour.
• Or, we can observe this person and then choose to communicate with them about their vile behaviour, by using their language! To communicate well and achieve a really good out come we need to listen to the language another person uses, and take a step into their emotional world by ‘speaking’ their language with them.

I am still Working rigorously on becoming a truly successful Revolutionary!
Enjoy your ‘gold’

Thinking of you warmly
Sally
Cures that Endure

www.rapha-hypnosis.com
www.sally-stubbs.com


 My personal and private e mail: sally@sally-stubbs.com

GOLDEN BULLETS!

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Let’s talk about enhancing your happiness.

Let’s not put a ceiling on happiness hey! I don’t! It’s interesting to think about our happiness, it’s not quantifiable, and yet it’s not theoretical. We cannot hold it or control. Yet – It is real. Biochemically we can measure it, in a certain way! We can ‘feed’ our happiness, nourish it and grow it.
And do you know, not once in 30 years of my Work, no one has ever come to me and said: “I’ve got too much happiness can you help to cure it!”

MY GOLDEN BULLETS TO NURTURE AND NOURISH OUR HAPPINESS:
• Check our beliefs.
• Our Beliefs drive a massive part of our behaviour
• Our Beliefs are often unconscious, that is we do not consciously know we have them!
• So when we set our goal to achieve X Y Z, for example lose weight, assert our self with our ‘snarly’ boss and we failed with that goal in the past – we will probably have a belief that we will ‘Fail Again’.
• No matter how much ‘get up and go’, up beat energy, determination we think we have to achieve our goal, our behaviours will be driven by our unconscious ‘I’m a failure’ belief
GOLDEN BULLET TO HAVE POSITIVE BELIEFS:
If you have been Working with repeating to your self a truism like my example:
“It is healthy and also nice to be calm.”
Now begin to Work with a positive affirmation like my example: “I’m going to be really, really calm! (….when I assert myself with my daughter, or boss, or neighbour….)”
• The use and purpose of positive affirmation is to ‘bring up’ into our conscious mind and awareness any objecting negative beliefs that we may have, so that we can do something about them and change them.
• Positive affirmations do not create positive beliefs to achieve our goal. And if we have no negative beliefs we don’t blimin’ well need to waste our time with positive affirmation, we simply act and achieve!
• Here’s the absolute ‘gold’: – as you say your affirmation, be exquisitely sensitive, which I know you are, to your immediate next thought.
(By the way I don’t think I’ve mentioned that a few years ago I contacted several neuroscience departments in universities asking: What is the speed of thought?
One answer is: Less than one tenth of a second.
So you need to slow down to get some of those thoughts, or you’ll miss them.
My free download story will help you to slow down your thoughts
• If your very next thought is objecting – to your affirmation – this objection will be your negative belief – which will have it’s foundation in some kind of failure……
• Write down your objecting thoughts (negative beliefs) – and Work to discover your solutions to them.
• Remember that a lot of our negative behaviour patterns are driven by our negative beliefs, and we can change them.
• You can also Work with one of my 40 day courses, this will help you enormously.
• Once we get to know our negative beliefs we have choice. We can choose to change them.
• When we really get to understand our deep inner belief systems, particularly about our self, we can choose to have only those beliefs that are supportive of our self and celebrate our life, enhancing our happiness.
• We can choose to stop having those beliefs that are self condemning or self invalidating.

MORE GOLDEN BULLETS TO SUCCEED:
More on goal setting.
• Goal setting takes time.
So we’ll remind ourselves about goals.
• What do successful people have in common?
• They know their goal, they know what they want to achieve.
• When we set our selves a goal to achieve, we need to make sure we state, or write it down in the positive.
• And, speak your goal out loud, congruently, our DNA responds to sound.
• So, an example of what I mean. Chanting internally: “I Will stop being angry with X or Y”, will inevitably lead to anger with X or Y. Because the brain has ‘heard’ the word anger, the brain will attempt to access that behaviour.
• So, the goal needs to be stated as something like: I really want to be understanding and supportive of X or Y.
By the way if anger is an issue for you or someone close to you my 40 day End Anger Course on CD’s and MP3 is about Ending anger, not controlling or managing anger, permanent resolution, Cures that Endure.
• Goal setting needs our attention, to nurture our emotions.
A simple goal might be: I want to lose weight.
• We need to check attentively with our emotions that the words we use are in harmony with every part of us.
So, someone for example who has sadly had a huge loss, maybe of a loved one, the word lose, as in lose weight could be deeply uncomfortable to say the least.
And part of the persona will emotionally resist the word lose, and the weight will not change, or may even get worse.
This is how important the words we use in goal setting are. In this example the words for this goal may need to be something like: I want to become slim, strong and healthy!
When our negative thoughts and negative beliefs are also ‘woven’ into emotional ‘pain’, hurt, suffering – please do Work with one of my 40 day courses. No matter the issue you are dealing with Judith all my 40 day courses will take you to a safe place and space where you can and will resolve, safely, your ‘pain’ And you do not need to know, or remember what caused your ‘pain’
I’m still Working on being a real Revolutionary!
Enjoy your ‘gold’
Thinking of you warmly
Sally
Cures that Endure

My personal and private e mail: sally@sally-stubbs.com

MEEKNESS?

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Here comes Spring and life is abounding with great good opportunities for us all, but this is really hard, if not at times impossible, for our mind to even contemplate seeing and hearing, let alone acting upon, when we are suffering a problem.

Last week a client said something really awesome to me; it stopped me in my stride! My client was working on a problem he had about the painful hurt he was suffering in a close and important relationship. I asked him: “What do you want to achieve?” He replied; “I want to have meekness.”

I never ever make suppositions about any of my work either in my recorded treatments or my 1:1 work. But I was struck by his word ‘meekness’. I asked him what he meant by meekness? He said that: Meekness is the ability to see clearly and to not mind ..”

Brilliant!

In other words – to be in a place and space in our mind to no longer be responding from ‘pain’ and hurt, and therefore to not respond inappropriately by either ‘withdrawing into a bleak hiding mood’ or getting into a ‘fury’ – turning to food – feeling frightened, nervous – tossing and turning all night……….that endless circle of not knowing whether to blame them, (or blame something) or take the blame our self.

Considering ‘meekness’ as a response is not me or my client being naïve! It is about seeing clearly – not minding – and having time to respond appropriately. By appropriately that means from a ‘clean’ clear place that is in the present free of hurt or ‘pain’ from our past.
So, I think his take on ‘meekness’ is truly awesome.

How can we begin to do this? Here’s a strategy for you to work with: Pause for a few moments, even though you’re hurting, and ask does this hurt of mine belong to this moment or some earlier life experience? (You’ll know if it belongs to a younger life experience because you’ll have had the feelings before, the feelings won’t be brand new, there will be a familiar ‘knot’ of ‘pain’ in your stomach, chest, heart, throat….)

Once you realise this is familiar ‘pain’ the strategy is to acknowledge it by saying convincingly to yourself “That’s Right! That really did hurt me …when I was aged about…… “(You’ll know about how old you were…) So, in ‘honouring’ your past ‘pain’ you help yourself not to hide and withdraw into a mood or get angry with them, or angry with whatever is going on for you in the present – and you also help to ease, and even begin to resolve, a past ‘pain’ with which you got ‘stuck’.

You’ll be a very welcome visitor to www.sally-stubbs.com

Thinking of you warmlySally

Freedom to be Our Self ?

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011
Using hypnosis to help you break free

Using hypnosis to help you break free

So, what exactly are we discussing together? What do I mean by Freedom to be our self? Freedom to be Happy in ‘our own skin’? Freedom to grow in our unique potential?

And what stops us from being and experiencing and enjoying these Freedoms?

We cannot be Free to fully be our self when we get ‘stuck’. The ‘stuck’ experiences in our minds, in our psychology, are literally that, we are ‘stuck’ we don’t move, we don’t move forward and we don’t ‘grow’!

Why would we be so daft as to get ‘stuck’, you might well ask? Well, for one thing we are not being daft; we are attempting to protect our self, in a crisis or in a trauma, from the next moment getting even worse.
Bottom line? As long as we are ‘stuck’ in that particularly moment and even though it’s horrific, we’re in ‘the firing line’, the ‘bombing’ is happening all around us, we are terrified, but at least we are alive.
We stop time in our mind in case, in the very next moment the ‘bomb’ blows us completely away. Consequently, getting our self ‘stuck’ makes total sense to our unconscious protective mechanisms.

Of course, you could be saying: “Sally, I’ve never been in the ‘firing line’, I’ve never been in a ‘bombing raid’ in my life….. My life has been really peaceful.”
I am so glad you haven’t. I’m so glad you have had a peaceful life.
I have been in the ‘firing line’! That’s one of the reasons I’m so brilliant at, and proud of, what I do and what I achieve for others.
So, you may be like the young lady who came up to me at the Vitality Show after I’d been speaking about this kind of Freedom. She said, (what you are maybe thinking about your life,) that her entire life had been ‘peaceful’
But, she told me that she was a chronic worrier.

As we talked she gained the insights that she had learnt to worry as a little girl because her mother was and still is a worrier.
You too may have got ‘stuck’ with learnt experiences, like worrying, that do not serve you or celebrate fully your life’s expression and experience.

The feeling of being ‘stuck’ is the opposite of freedom to be our self and to be happy and grow in our own unique potential.  Hypnosis sets you free! So, what are you waiting for?

Thinking of you warmly………

Being As Confident As You Are!

Monday, June 13th, 2011

We can become more confident by practising yoga, especially Hatha Yoga.

If we consider the Sanskrit words ‘yoga’ and ‘Hatha’, we can discover inspiring connections with self confidence and our infinite potential. Yoga meaning oneness, unity, perfection and Hatha, meaning the realm of duality, contains two words: ‘ha’ and ‘tha’. In Sanskrit ‘ha’ – is the sun, the noumenal and ‘tha’ – is the moon, the phenomenal.

You can read the full article in Yoga Magazine, out now in all good stores!

How Yoga Can Improve Your Self Confidence

Monday, May 23rd, 2011
Hatha Yoga is good for the soul

Try Hatha Yoga for inner peace and outer calm.

In the early 1980’s I was very fortunate to study Hatha Yoga with a man who had established ‘The Centre for Human Communication’ in England. This gentleman had spent many years in India learning not only Hatha Yoga but also studying Sanskrit, which I loved. I was able, through his teaching of Sanskrit, to gain an understanding of the meaning of the language of yoga. It was then that I began to consider the connection between Yoga, particularly Hatha Yoga, and self confidence.
Along with my studies and practice of hypnotherapy and psychotherapy and the psychology of Hatha Yoga I have developed my remarkable course available as a set of 5 CD’s or as MP3 download from my web site; Gain Self Confidence.
This course, as are all my other courses, is in depth and detailed sufficient to bring about lasting Self Confidence for you.
To achieve this depth and for you to get resolution, you will need to allow 30 minutes a day for 40 days.
Before we go any further we need to remind ourselves of the meaning of the Sanskrit words yoga and Hatha, since this will enable us to begin to learn about the absolute and inspiring connection with self confidence, and our infinite potential.
Yoga means oneness, unity, perfection. And Hatha, meaning the realm of duality, contains two words ha and tha. In Sanskrit ha – is the sun, the noumenal, and tha – is the moon, the phenomenal.
Unity means yoga, and yoga means unity.
The connection between Yoga and self confidence
If like many others, you lack self confidence, then this normally means that there is a lack of unity within yourself that causes the dissension and disharmony with the world around you. Unity needs to be experienced within our self in order to experience yoga, or unity with the world around you.
The question for me therefore from all those years ago was…
“How does our lack of confidence or lack of belief come about and how can we grow to a state of unity, yoga, from a state of duality, Hatha?”
Jung teachings state that the anima (the feminine component, or ha in both males and females) and animus (the masculine component, tha, also in both males and females) act as guides to the unconscious unified self, (yoga) and that forming an awareness and a connection with the anima and animus is one of the most rewarding steps in psychological growth.
This means that the lack of unity between our anima and animus fundamentally contributes to our lack of self confidence – let me give you some examples:
Our animus states: I want to apply for that job; I want to give that performance. Our anima hides with: ‘Oh, I can’t, I can’t….’
Our anima will state: I will make that speech, I will give that presentation. Our animus declares ‘No way….’
Now we are stuck, we have an inner turmoil, which will prevent us from taking our desired action. We feel angry at our failure, or we feel withdrawn so metaphorically speaking we put a bag over our heads, never to be seen again. We feel frightened or anxious and stagnate in the vicious cycle of an inner battle. We believe we are a failure as we have an inner communication breakdown which literally blocks us from taking right action. We have an inner: ‘I want’ battling with an: ‘I can’t’.
So, you may be wondering, “What, has this to do with self confidence?”
The dictionary informs us that confidence is: belief in our abilities.
To achieve complete and inner harmonious confidence about any ability, we need one hundred percent belief in our self. Practically speaking how can we change the: ‘I want – but I can’t’ and bring about inner belief, certainty, harmony and therefore confidence?
In terms of our Hatha Yoga practice we can consider and ponder upon the fact that much of Hatha Yoga practice is designed to free our inner communication blocks.
Hatha yoga is the method by which we can transcend the opposites of our inner life and achieve oneness, no more push, pull, I want, I can’t turmoil. This will mean unity of our mind and therefore a perfect stability of our action. Hatha yoga practices and discipline our Asana’s, (postures and exercises) are to remove communication blocks, to harmonise our personality and to bring about a stillness and certainty of our mind. That being said, we will not gain the self confidence we need in certain aspects of our life through our practice of Asana’s. However, yoga will help you to balance and unify the energies of the mind and remove your communication blocks.
Now you know how to remove your communication blocks. My next blog will look at how my strategies on the Gain Confidence and Self Esteem course will help you clarify your self confidence goal, identify positive reasons to achieve you goal which will help to get you motivated, and thirdly believe that you will succeed.

Sally

sally@sally-stubbs.com  please feel free to contact me direct

Self Confidence – Recipe for Success

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

Self Confidence – recipe for success
Successful people ooze self confidence; this probably explains why so much psychological research has been done to identify what it is that all successful people have in common. And by successful, the research ranged from someone wanting to be successful in their home life, family, health, relationships, or creative work, or community work, or to the massive corporate businesses such as Bill Gates Microsoft, Marc Allen New World Library, and Jack Canfield Chicken Soup for the Soul.
I’m going to use this blog to let you into their secret, and help you to apply these positive strategies to your own situation so that you can successfully grow your own unique self confidence.
Here goes… in order to successfully grow your own confidence you need to do three things:
Number 1 – know what you want, this means that you need to set yourself a comprehensive goal.
You may have three goals or a ‘dozen’ goals, you may feel overwhelmed by the number of goals that you want to achieve. You need to take one goal at a time, perhaps a small one to begin with. Write it down; continue to refine your goal as you go along.
Number 2 – know your reasons or purposes to succeed as you need to know this in order to remain fully motivated.
You need to really know your purposes since this will help you to focus on your motivation for achieving your goal. As all behaviour has a purpose, behaviour does not have meaning as such, behaviour has purpose, knowing your own unique purposes to gain self confidence, will really ‘spring board’ you towards achieving your goal successfully.
Number 3 – you must believe that you will succeed.
Once you have these three things you will then have the self confidence to accomplish what you want.
You will need to work to change your negative beliefs. Our beliefs are driving a massive part of our behaviour. If we believe we can, we can. If we believe we can’t, we can’t.

Here are some practical tips on how to accomplish these tasks and use them to improve your self confidence.

Setting your goal
Always write your goal in the positive. Let’s take the example of going for a job interview, to illustrate what I mean, write something like: I will be confidently calm and strong and feel inner harmony when I am communicating with interviewers’ rather than; ‘I won’t be nervous and tongue tied when I am communicating’ Why? Because, simplistically our amazing brain will respond to an instruction to be calm, strong, and have inner harmony. Rather than responding to an instruction to not be nervous and tongue tied.
Our brain is amazing, but it will see and hear, ‘be nervous and tongue tied’. Just as you have done as you have been reading this!
Once you have decided what your goal is you need to speak your goal, out loud, several times. As you speak, the vitally important thing for you to do is to be very aware of any inner objections, (which will be negative beliefs,) either in your feelings or your thoughts. An objection could be something like a knotted stomach, or a negative ‘I can’t do that…’ thought.

Know your purpose
So, this is about you getting really focused and motivated, with loads of energy to move you onwards to successfully achieve your goal. As I’ve said, deeply knowing your own purposes will assist your motivation.
You may be thinking that your purposes to gain self confidence are obvious? No they aren’t, your purposes will contain nuances and fine details unique to you.
So, let us consider my example of having the confidence to go for that job interview. Your goal is to be confidently calm and strong and feel inner harmony when you’re communicating with interviewers.
So, you need to then ask yourself: What is my purpose in wanting to be confidently calm and strong and feel inner harmony when I’m communicating with interviewers?
My example answer: This will really help me in my career.
Keep asking, to really get to your depth of purpose: What is my purpose in really wanting to get on with my career?
Answer: My family and friends will be proud of me.
I urge you to keep on asking the same question, and the same for each of your purposes, until you maybe get a ‘Ting’ moment, which gives you a deeper understanding of your purposes than you’d thought of before. In my simple example, the ‘Ting’ moment is like this: ‘Wow, I hadn’t realised that I want my family and friends to feel proud of me!’
I urge you to make notes about your purposes.
This is a very simplistic example, I so hope it lets you realise the depths and importance of really knowing your own purposes.
Believe in yourself
The problem with this is that many of our beliefs are unconscious, that is we do not consciously know we have them. How can you first know, and then deconstruct your unconscious negative beliefs, specifically about achieving your goal?
Seriously, achieving this can be tricky on your own; it can be like ‘pulling yourself up by your own boot laces’. You may want to consider my course on gaining self confidence, which is assisting you to work comfortably with your own unconscious beliefs, an amazing thing to do. Unconscious belief systems can be tricky because the ‘language’ is of the unconscious.
Take your time to write notes by asking questions of all the objections. Ask: Where does that objection come from? As you learn the history of the negative beliefs, you will be able to deconstruct them.
Along with my studies and practice of hypnotherapy and psychotherapy I have developed my remarkable course available as a set of 5 CD’s or as MP3 download from my web site; Gain Self Confidence.
This course, as do all my other courses, covers in depth and detail all of these points sufficient to bring about lasting Self Confidence for you.
To achieve this depth and for you to get resolution, you will need to allow 30 minutes a day for 40 days.
I wish you every success and an inner experience of unity, harmony and peace. I know you can

Sally