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Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category

Solutions to Stress

Monday, November 26th, 2018

Let’s consider that Stress is a ‘result’ – and that something – is the ‘cause’.

Sally Stubbs

Our ‘modern’ mistake is,  we believe,  the ‘cause’ of our stress is something ‘outside’,  something in our life.  Such as?  Well, here is the official list offered by medical sites:

  • Divorce
  • Moving
  • Job loss
  • Money problems

Let us consider that 0.2 million years ago, our amazing ancestors, as homo sapiens were hunter gatherers. Our fabulous brain stress response, flooding our body with cortisol, adrenaline etc. saved our lives. We stopped thinking! We are too late if we stop to think: “That’s a huge tiger!” We move without thought, to fight the tiger or run like ‘you would not believe’!  And as we fight or run the fabulously adapted body uses up its flood of neurotransmitters. That, behaviour, in a nutshell, is healthy.

But:

When we think stressfully, the kind of thinking that is like an emotional ‘ground hog day’ – the same damn thing over and over and over again – our body is stuck in a chronic state of unused cortisol – which can cause many, many health problems, here are a few examples:

  • Inflammation
  • A compromised immune system
  • Digestion issues
  • Lower bone density in women
  • Loss of libido and sleep
  • Stronger emotional reactions from weariness to anxiety and agitation.

So, let us respect our amazing bodies.

How? –  learn to think differently – the result will be – so worth it – we will be oh so much happier and healthier. Next time I want to talk on HOW we can – LEARN – to think differently.

It’s Truly Important we ‘learn’ to Stop Stressing!

Thursday, November 22nd, 2018

STRESS………………what do we really know about this ‘state’ called STRESS?

Well, our magnificent researchers have let us know that being stressed is a major cause of nearly all illnesses; so it’s truly important that we ‘learn’ to stop stressing!

The Dream – The Very Possible Dream!

Monday, April 27th, 2015

Derwentwater 27.4.15

Welcome:

I so want to share with you some really, really useful ideas and some Simple yet Powerful Top Tips – for you to consider and act upon for yourself, or if you’re spending these few minutes with me on behalf of someone you know or care about who needs and wants to Resolve PERMANENTLY a Mind-Emotional problem that is holding you or them back back from having a Truly Fulfilled life.
Life is SO Precious……..
So: I’ve started upon my next Series of Short ‘Tasty Video Bites’ – each episode with new ideas, new ways of thinking about a problem state and how to begin to Resolve that problem and ‘move on’ Free to happily be your self – Free to be who you were ‘born to be’.
This first Top Tip is about you engaging with your dreams and discovering amazing solutions & resolutions that the wisdom of your Unconscious will mobilise for you as you sleep.
I am a huge fan of Carlos Castaneda and his Teacher Don Juan. (Check it out if you’ve never read any of Castaneda. I believe I can promise you that you will love it!)
Here’s a quote from the Don – worthy of your consideration:
“The sorcerers’ explanation of how to select a topic for dreaming, is that a warrior chooses the topic by deliberately holding an image in his mind while he shuts off his internal dialogue. If he is capable of not talking to himself for a moment and then holds the image or the thought of what he wants in dreaming, even if only for an instant, then the desired topic will come to him.”
I wish that you get going with your Dreams – and you will Dream Well – and become the Great Good ‘Warrior’ in your life.
And here, as promised, is ‘Scoff’ to inspire and uplift you. What an awesomely fine ‘Warrior’ he is.
Wishing you inner freedom to know and to experience your own beautiful future.

Please email me privately any time I’d love to hear from you:- sally@sally-stubbs.com
Warmly

Sally

www.sally-stubbs.com

The Rapha Therapy System & The Role of Metaphor

Monday, April 20th, 2015
Sally Stubbs

Sally Stubbs

I made myself smile hugely as I thought to call this video for you:
‘RAPHA IN ‘A NUTSHELL’!

Then realized you might not want to ‘go anywhere near’ what’s in a nut shell – the nut!! (the link to the video is at the bottom of this page)
Well: that idiom means: to ‘describe in as few words as possible’.
And – yeah…. I’ve done it! The video is 7 and a half minutes as I know your time is precious – and you are busy I’m sure.
So I’d say this video is BIG NEWS! – a rare opportunity for me to describe for you – in a ‘nut shell’!!! – my 30 years of rigorous, robust, enjoyable work and passion to fulfill my Vision to create my RAPHA Therapy System – which permanently – (worth repeating) – permanently – Resolves mind-emotional problems, suffering and ‘pain’.
Here’s my understanding of RAPHA:
RAPHA Rocks!
And, when you journey with me on one of my RAPHA Audio Courses – (take a look at my available courses –  there are more to come) – you take a safe, rewarding, self-empowering journey into your very own inner worlds – you mobilise your own dormant or hidden inner strengths, resources, and inner self certainty – changing your thinking and your feelings and how you are, so you celebrate your life ‘in your skin’.
Gary Hogg has said a number of times: “It’s a fun journey!”
As you’ve perhaps got to know me – you’ll know that I am not interested in ‘quick, fast therapy’ – it does not last!
I want lasting success for you.
You also possibly know me as a really, really upbeat person? Which perhaps can socially get a bit tedious for others when they’re down or in a grump – and I focus on the light and the bright in life!
Well, I am really upbeat recently as we have just topped making connections with and reaching out to over a million people worldwide. Awesome!
Next time we’ll have a short video for you of me and ‘Scoff’ – an amazing young man who has been working with my RAPHA Audio Course ‘Solutions to Stress’.
If you’re anything like me – a small warning – Scoff will move you to a few tears – of relief!
Wishing you every success and the freedom to happily be your self………….
So … the Video: It’s here- the Four Stages to Permanent Resolution of Your Problem
Please email me privately any time I’d love to hear from you sally@sally-stubbs.com
Warmly
Sally
Sally Stubbs
Rapha Therapy  “Cures that Endure”

 

WHAT A STINK!

Monday, May 19th, 2014
Hypnosis

Using hypnotherapy to resolve your anger

 

What is the ‘Right Way’ to ‘Clean Up the ‘Muck’ in Our Unconscious Mind?

My allegory is that our Unconscious Mind is like our ‘Beautiful Mansion’, it’s our ally, our friend.
Our Unconscious Mind wants us to be in optimum mind-body health and for that reason we must treat it like the most precious thing in the world. It wants us to Resolve ‘the muck’ – that ‘got in’, uninvited during difficult times in our life, and causes us to feel nervous, or fearful, or not sleep well, or be always worrying – feeling like a ‘door mat’ not able to say “No!”………..
So the two questions that I want to ask you are:
How serious are you about Restoring your Greatest Ally, your Unconscious Mind to its Intended Pristine State?
And: Are you ready to take charge, Resolve the ‘muck’, & Restore your ‘Beautiful Mansion’, your Unconscious Mind, and essentially add years of happiness & fulfillment on to your life?

Because if you are, and I know that you can, I can help you do just that.

Here’s a valuable Story for us from a lady who I will call Jay:

“Dear Sally

I saw your audio course end anger a couple of years ago! Two things I thought: One, I’ve tried therapy to sort my anger, I’ve tried anger management. Nothing helped. So what’s the point in me trying anything else. Two, your title “end anger” bugged me! Excuse my language Sally but I didn’t want to bl**dy well End it. Partly because I did not know how to live without anger, it had been part of me for nearly all my life. It took me 2 years to decide to give your course a go. Wished I hadn’t waited!

Here’s my story: My Dad was a smashing person. He looked after me and he looked out for me. I had a nice time. Until I was 9. Out the blue one day he packed a bag & left. Just like that. I did not ‘get it’ No explanations from anyone. I didn’t have space in me to be sad. I was filled up with anger. Didn’t hear from him for over 20 years. When he tried to make contact, I was in my 30’s then, I said: ‘it’s too late’

I knew I wanted to be rid of crazy anger. Anger that burst out at any handy person, or the dog, or the sofa, or pots and pans. The anger that also got stuck inside my stomach.

“Why am I bothering to begin Sally’s half an hour a day for 40 days course to end anger?” I asked myself, when I felt I don’t want to End Anger.

I don’t know how but during the forty days I felt I could connect with the furious 9 year old kid I used to be, and let that part of me know it was OK to have felt so angry. Then something mysterious happened I got calmer and calmer.

I know I couldn’t have done that without you.

Pots, pans, sofas, dogs and people are now safe around the calm me, for the first time in well over 30 years. The great thing is I know I’m likeable, that’s a special thing to know.

Thank you.”

Jay spoke to me – without my prompting her, she said that over the years her uncontrollable out bursts had caused her to become more & more isolated and miserably lonely. She believed no one cared about her. She believed she was unlovable. Not to mention suffering with high blood pressure!

No amount of the traditional methods of relaxations, visualisations, suggestions to be calm, suggestion to love everyone, love the dog, love the sofa, no amount of affirmations to ‘be calm’ would have made the changes in the Right way for Jay, or for any one else actually……

My wish for you is that you’ll want to begin on ‘polishing’ your ‘Beautiful Mansion’ this is my Dream for you. ‘Spring Clean’ time maybe? Our May offer has 20% off all our half an hour a day for 40 days audio courses.

Warmly

Sally
Sally Stubbs     sally@sally-stubbs.com
Rapha Therapy System – ‘Cures that Endure’

 

STELLA’S HAPPY ENDING:)

Monday, June 25th, 2012

Sally Stubbs

80% of Stella’s body was covered with achingly angry psoriasis. Stella shyly took off her rigidly tailored grey blouse and grey trousers – she said she needed me to see……
The psoriasis had steadily worsened over the past 10 years since her husband had a stroke from which medically it was thought he may not walk again or regain full speech.
When Stella first came to Work with me she told me that she felt almost utterly helpless.
In answer to my first question: And what do you want to achieve? Stella did not say she wanted healthy skin, she said that wanted to stop feeling almost utterly helpless, and she wanted to feel strong.
I asked: And when you don’t feel strong and you feel almost utterly helpless, how do you know you don’t feel strong?
Stella answered that she felt utterly helpless like a heavy feeling in the whole of her chest.
Question: And when you feel it in the whole of your chest, and it’s heavy, what else is there about it in the whole of your chest when it’s heavy?
Stella’s story developed from this feeling.
The whole of her chest felt like it was dark.
I continued with clean language questions to develop the experience of heavy and dark in the whole of her chest. She said heavy and dark was shaped like a cube, like a cage, made of solid black bars of iron.
To my next question; and what else could there be about a solid dark cage made of black bars of iron Stella answered: “There is a bee trapped in the cage… The bee is floundering. I am trapped in the cage. I can see a glimpse of some lovely hills in the distance…….”
The younger part of Stella ‘trapped’ in a ‘cage’ was aged thirteen.
The summer of her thirteenth year Stella and her mother had gone to a local tennis match, a favourite sport of theirs to watch together. Her mother had been a semi invalid for as long as Stella could remember, she made her way about in an electrically operated wheel chair.
Stella, with her mother beside her in the wheelchair, had been thoroughly absorbed in the close run tennis match; she cheered along with the small crowd and gasped as the scores were rivetingly close, when suddenly her mother slumped sideways.
There was a massive flurry of activity as an ambulance was called for, but tragically Stella’s mother had died.
A neighbour took Stella home, and very soon her father arrived to find Stella crying.
He told his young daughter that she must stop crying, and that everything was going to be OK.
The death of her mother was tragic, but the split, the trauma for Stella occurred when her father had told her to stop crying and that everything was going to be OK.*
At this moment of realisation in our Work together, Stella wanted to pause and consider. She said that ever since she had been thirteen, any difficulty she’d had, from exam nerves at school to even being scared of travelling, to her having seen a therapist a number of years ago for her lack of self confidence had been blamed, by herself and others, on her mother’s death.
Stella paused; she had a ‘light bulb’ moment, an Epiphanic experience. Although of course her mother’s death was tragic, Stella was prepared for it. Her father’s restricting injunction had trapped her, stuck in that moment in time of everything is going to be OK. So nothing ever reached a place, a state of: Everything is OK,.
OK was always going to be in the future, Stella had been helpless, never able to know and feel OK.
OK could never be in the present.

* (This was a totally understandable response from a bereaved husband and a concerned parent)
Interpretations of events can persuade both client and therapist away from the true focus of traumatic experiences.
To illustrate how important it is to keep on asking the clean language questions.
Stella needed to know that the bee was there, I will go into this reason in a moment; Stella also needed to know that she could: “….see a glimpse of some lovely hills in the distance.”
In terms of the: “…lovely hills in the distance…” basically, when we are in a place where we can bring about a ‘movement’ towards something different, and out of the ‘stuck’ state we need to know where we are going to.
Or we may not move, as we can fear that ‘freedom’ from the prison we’ve been in could be even worse than the ‘prison’ we’ve got to know and have learnt to adapt to its confines.
And where we are going to, must always be the client’s solution, not the therapists.
Stella arrived early for our third session; she wasn’t quite as neat and elegant as when we first met!
I asked her: “How are you doing?”
She answered she was: “Doing better. Stronger”
I asked: “And, how do you know you’re doing better and stronger?”
Stella replied that she felt some freedom.
Q: “And what kind of freedom is that freedom, that’s some freedom?”
Stella answered: “The doors to the cage have opened, it’s brighter and lighter and I want to move……”
This is an important moment of intervention, the question needs to be:
And when it’s brighter and lighter and you want to move, can you move?”
Stella answered: “No, something needs to happen first.”
Q: “And when something needs to happen first, what kind of something could that something be?”
Stella took some time, and then answered: “The bee needs to show me the way.”
The bee could and did show her the way to move. And the way was to the hills.
The journey and the movement to the hills took another hour or so, time to address and compound all elements needed to form new knowledge and information and to know it is OK to be OK now.
Stella’s skin cleared completely within a few weeks and two years later there has been no recurrence.
Her clothes now have movement and vibrancy! Way to go Stella!
I am so happy to say that her husband did recover his use of language and his ability to walk.

If you need help please do not hesitate to contact me through my private email: sally@sally-stubbs.com or

Much more information about my CD & MP3 audio treatments are on www.rapha-hypnosis.com
http://www.rapha-hypnosis.com/Contact.htm

Thinking of you warmly,
 Sally

 

ANGRY CHILDREN?

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

SPARE THE ROD – SPOIL THE CHILD

Sparing discipline (“the rod”) creates an undisciplined (“spoiled”) child.

Difficult and destructive behaviours associated with poor discipline are on the increase. Some parents have become discipline idlers – maybe because they are too tired, too busy, have no time to stand up to their youngster’s problematical ways.

Are parents ‘giving in’ for the sake of instant, albeit short lasting, peace?  Do some parents believe in the ‘latest ideas’ about how to raise happy children rather than instil sensible order!?

The word “discipline,” coming from the Greek root, implies educating, not punishment.

Punishing a child will cause emotional and psychological wounding; a ‘wounded’ child will not thrive. A wounded child can express their hurt and pain as resisting any rules from parents. However children will not just become disciplined, they need a top teacher. They need parent to teach them what is correct and what is not. Teaching discipline, on behalf of a child’s well being is not straightforward, because children are really complex small people.

For our children’s sake, for their future happiness, success, self respect, and respect for others we parents need to be outstanding models. We parents need to be disciplined about our lives. If we are not disciplined how can we expect our children to be?

So let’s take a courageous look at our own discipline? Can we improve? Probably! Improvement will lead us adults to feel happier, more creative and productive, and guide our children, who will want to model us, because they will respect us. They in turn will feel respected and be respectful and successful.

TOP TIPS FOR TOP PARENTING

Let your younger children know that they do not rule the family, you do, and that you always have the last say! Your children will feel and be more secure, they may not like what you have to say, but their inner stability relies on you being reliably decisive.

Children need boundaries, and they will continuously be testing the boundaries. Top parents will allow their children, once they are old enough to have the vocabulary, to express their opinions. Parents will listen attentively, they will give space to their children to be able to disagree with them. And then having, (when appropriate), taken everything their child has said into consideration, make the final decision.

A child needs to know, be shown and be told, that they are important.  They also need to be taught that everyone else is important, and everyone else has rights.

If your child is old enough to yell ‘abusively’ at you, then your child is old enough to be quiet! If your child is old enough to spend money then your child is old enough to not spend money! Whatever your child is old enough to do, they are also old enough to not do! You can effectively teach them this principle.

Younger children do not need lengthy explanations and reasons about your ‘last word’ Your last words can sometimes be your only words, because often, the only thing that will be ‘reasonable’ to your youngster is what they want! “Now listen darling fire is really hot you must not touch it. If you do your skin will blister and be really painful. Blisters are……” Just say calmly and firmly, (your tone needs to be fierce tenderness, often these days called ‘tough love’): “Get away from there!

Parents, you need to be in charge, if you don’t take charge your children will!

Your voice needs to be reliably, consistently calm, don’t shout “Calm down!!”, speaking calmly will mean you are leading, and you will sooner or later ‘lead’ your child to be calm.

Take every opportunity to validate your children. Your validation makes your child feel valued as a person, and makes them feel that they are accepted and feel

calm. Children’s brains are ‘hard wired’ to seek acceptance. If they do not receive acceptance from parents, they can feel driven to find it in a peer group that may lead them sadly astray…….

Enter their world! This strategy looks manipulative. It is. But you have a good, right purpose, which is to guide your child into a happier, healthier, safer world. When your child has become involved in a ‘dangerous’ world: clubs, drugs, sex….then you must ‘appear’ to be really interested! Enquire with questions congruently as if you really want to get to know their world. You have to be elegant about this! But your interest puts you firmly back into a power position, for all the right reasons. It’s called ‘building bridges’. You place ‘one foot’ in their world with your interest, and you keep your ‘other foot’ firmly in the safe, right world. Your child will then feel they can keep their ego intact and rejoin you in your world.

NHS magazine Your Choice features Sally Stubbs

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

Read Sally tips on how to adopt some simple mental strategies that will help you to quickly change from being stressed out to calm and clear headed, no matter what is going on around you.

Download PDF