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I’ve been just a bit cheeky with the title of my letter to you! I mean the title is True – I really invite debate and discussion with you.
I want to debate a book!
“50 Shades of Grey”
I did think to give this letter that title – then I didn’t want to take the risk that you wouldn’t join me in this letter… After all, this book is porn!
I haven’t read it. I have googled it – and hey it’s probably (understatement!) worth our attention as the last I read it’s sold over 40 million copies world wide and rising.
The biggest seller ever overtaking Harry Potter!
So, what is it that is claiming the attention of over 40 million of our fellow humans?
We could say that anything we choose to think, discuss and debate together is merely our opinions. However, I’ll carry on – as you’d expect of me!
This Tweet from Ellie Pyke has been well worth my consideration: (writers) ‘make stories that bring the reader alive’. I agree…..
Then, how is this book achieving that?
Ted Day on a ‘you tube’ video reads from the back of the book: “….. He’s (Christian Grey the main protagonist) consumed by his need to control”.
Honestly I accept that whatever individuals are into – they are into – as long as there is consent. And that it is private between however ,many consenting adults.
However, I believe we can raise a discussion about “50 Shades of Grey” because it has grabbed so much attention. And my attention has been grabbed by – the control aspect……
First in terms of this book/trilogy I want to say that I understand the needs to create an opportunity to relinquish the power position. Power positions do become boring and exhausting! And also the need to relinquish responsibility.
My point about control (in terms of this book): Physical pain is a healthy ‘message’ from our bodies to say ‘I do not like this!’ Nature wants us to run or jump away from an external source of physical pain.
And yet 40 million of us are lapping this up!
Here is my outrageous question:
Why are the masochists amongst us treating their body as though it were an enemy?
Encarta Dictionary: Masochism – the psychological disorder in which somebody needs to be emotionally or physically abused in order to be (sexually) satisfied.
Let us consider the locus of our own inner control and lack of it.
As kids we had very little control, mostly claimed by necessity, from the adults around us who had to have control to create safe physical boundaries for us.
Often our emotional, psychological and ‘spirit of our self’ – control was taken from us.
With all respect to the mostly well meaning adults in our younger lives…….. love got undifferentiated from pain.
I’ll make anther outrageous statement here: masochists are searching, (unsuccessfully) for real love through the ‘pain’ of lack of control which they experienced in their early years…..
Your debate is gratefully received by me.
And,  you may well be asking, what has all this got to do with me?
Well, we too are searching to resolve our problems of: over weight, fear, anxieties, no self esteem, lack of good sleep, our anger and our sadnesses…………… and our solutions and answers are in us ‘listening’ to and responding correctly and respectfully to our younger self – who ‘lost’ their sense of their pristine self when the emotional psychological and ‘spirit of the self’ – when control was taken away.
As adult we all are mostly loyal to the grown ups who brought us up. We have the logic to say: ‘They did their best…’ And probably those grown ups did do their best.
This logic does not apply to how we thought and felt as a child.
I urge you to consider connecting with the pristine child part of your being – by having a look at my Gain Self Esteem and Self Confidence course. It does not take you through any painful or stinky stuff from your younger life – it does one major outstanding thing for you – it takes you back to, and empowers your pristine self……
As one of my clients, who is a poet, calls the Pristine Self – “My Intended Being…”
Pheweeee that phrase from him made my skin tingle
Maybe I need to rename my course Regain Your Self Esteem……… What do you think?
Thinking of you warmly

Sally Stubbs

for your potential


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