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Self Kindness – Self Respect – Self Compassion

Sally Stubbs

Hi There
Here is Episode 4 My video on ‘Self Kindness’.
Some call it Self Compassion – Self Worth – Self Respect – there are many terms for this most important self helping ‘exercise’.

If you know me, you will know that my Dad is my Greatest hero.

His Legacy is that of The Gentle Man.
He is as strong as he is tender.
He loves with a Fierce wisdom, me, my wonderful brother, our Mum and all his family.
But, (Yeah the dreaded ‘But’…) he was never truly fully happy!
He was wounded on the Normandy beach on D Day Landings. Not by guns and artillery.
He was ‘Wounded’ by his own belief that he was a failure.
He had failed to save the lives of so many on that beach in France. It was his fault!
No amount of logic would ever free and heal him of his understanding of his guilt and shame.
Did it adversely affect his life?

He lived a wise and gentle life for all those around him. He was not gentle with his ‘wounded’ self.
Have you and I experienced anything as unbelievably Traumatic as the D Day Landings?
Probably not. Though I always, always say that Trauma is not about mathematics! You and I can be lastingly ‘wounded’ by the awful glares from the eyes of an important person in our life.
The day before my Dad died, I held his hand and I asked: “What’s up Dad?” I reeled at his reply!
He answered: “Sweet heart, I have got a bad heart”.
What! My Dad has thee best, gentlest, kind heart that I have ever, ever met. Nothing ‘bad’ about his heart.
Did his heart become unwell because he ‘beat his heart up’ every day after D Day?
I will say: Yes it did!
How can I say this?
Well, one thing we now know is that when we live our life in a chronic state of fear, (fear states are triggered by guilt, shame, feeling a failure, anxiety, stressing worrying and so on….) we are automatically producing a number of ‘fear’ related neuro transmitters and hormones into our body, including Cortisol. Cortisol can act to break down lean tissue to release sugar and fat into our system.
These next few lines I have written before, they are truly worth another read even if you have maybe already read them!
Consider one of many reasons: Kindness that we give to others and receive from others AND Kindness that we give to ourselves greatly assists the production of the Amazing: Oxytoxin!
What does this amazing Neuro transmitter do for us?
Loads of Great things!
It aids in the healing of wounds, through its anti-inflammatory properties.
It aids in keeping our cardio vascular system healthy, as basically it binds onto cell receptor sites throughout our entire cardio vascular system – reducing inflammation.
It reduces Cortisol in our body – Whoopee!

We could talk loads more about Oxytoxin!

here is one of the ‘side effects’ of prescribing self-kindness: the release of the Amazing Oxytoxin, which helps prevent us from getting sick!
These ideas that we are exploring together, and thankfully we have a great growing body of research, about self – kindness, do go ‘hand in hand’ with my ‘Seven Golden Keys’ to deconstructing thoroughly our negative, destructive, inner mind dialogues.

Do go and have a look and use these brilliant ‘Golden Keys’

You see, the Big Deal with these Golden Keys’, is that the ‘Key’ of all ‘Keys’ – is how we can negotiate elegantly and authentically, (what every other well-meaning Therapy misses out on – to ‘our peril’) – with the negative inner mind dialogues which originally came from our self as a protection mechanism, a mechanism to ‘keep us safe’. This part of our self – needs to be heard, and deserves to be heard – and negotiated with carefully before this protective part of our self, will ‘give up’ it’s protective dialogues.

So please take the time to view my short video in the Series on Self Compassion.

Plus: always worth us pondering upon for a few moments:

“Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild precious life?”


Sally Stubbs
Rapha Therapy Cures that Endure
“I don’t think there is any such thing as an ordinary mortal. Everybody has his own possibility of rapture in the experience of life. All he has to do is recognize it and then cultivate it and get going with it. I always feel uncomfortable when people speak about ordinary mortals because I’ve never met an ordinary man, woman, or child.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
I say: “Absolutely – here, here………”

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