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Posts Tagged ‘cures that endure’

Strategy 5 – Deconstructing Negative Inner Dialogue

Thursday, June 25th, 2015
Sally Stubbs

Sally Stubbs

So here is my next Top Tip Video – Number Five in this Special Series of powerful strategies to deconstruct those negative inner dialogues.
Here I am again!! – I don’t ever give up on you – I’m back with you for a few immeasurably valuable minutes!
Why are these minutes with me so valuable as to be beyond ‘measure’?

Yeah: truly the most powerful thing you can ever do for your self – is to end the seemingly ‘endless’ negative inner chatter, inner ‘bullying’ and free yourself to be yourself – no more lies about yourself in your head!

The lies we ‘hang onto’, often not even knowing we are telling our self lies about our self, are like a damn, damning up, our natural life force flow!

So I’ve renamed these awesome Top Tips, as Golden Keys – they’re not just bl**dy Tips – they are powerful, empowering of your self – they un-damn the damned up natural energy life force flow within you – as with the ‘turn of a Golden Key’ – Click-Unlock!

If you have not been using my first 4 Golden Keys – hey – go do it now! Free your self from the damaging negative inner chatter. I promise you won’t find these Golden Keys in any other
Therapeutic Strategies – not anywhere. You’ll be forever grateful for my ‘Golden Keys’.

My video here will explain about ‘Golden Key’ Number 5 –

Just to recap  – you’ve deliberately, through your own choice, been taking charge of your negative inner chatter – by listing ‘Where did this one come from?’

They came from one of two places: They are messages imported into your mind from ‘big people’ in your life. Or they came from your ‘self’.

Your ‘self’ in emotionally or psychologically vulnerable situations will create inner negative dialogues in an attempt to keep our self ‘safe’.

Such as my example, we say to our self: ‘I’d better keep quiet, not speak up – or they will get annoyed with me – they won’t like, they won’t accept me, they won’t love me’.

Result is that this self-imposed injunction plays on and on – deep in our minds – and we refer to our self as ‘shy’ ‘withdrawn’ ‘scared to speak up’ – ‘I have a tightening in my throat’, ‘there’s a churning in my stomach’ ‘I’m not breathing properly, my heart is pounding’.

The ‘negative inner chatter & bullying of our self’ that came from others – you’ve been recognizing as ‘their messages’ and choosing to return these messages to ‘them’.

Now you need to negotiate with the part of your self who created these negative dialogues.
Negotiation is the ‘Golden Key’ here. Imagine your ‘younger’ self who created this negative dialogue – say to this fragment or part of your self – congruently ‘I understand…….. (you were scared, frightened….)’
Work your way gently – towards being able to say: ‘It’s now safe to give this up…..’

Do go and visit the Amazing, Brilliant, Famous Dr. Tranquility – support her in her Awesome efforts to bring True Healing to all. She is also Great Fun, upbeat – and full of valuable ideas and advice for you. She always has Hope in her voice.

And Dr. Tranquility & I have an awesome package for you.

My 15 Track Audio System to Have Harmonious Relationships and Dr Tranquility’s Date Therapy Protocol– we’ve made it easy and effortless for you– and we promise you it’s a life changer.

Click this Link for a 45% Discount on this package. Scroll down to the offers.

Wishing you inner freedom to know and to experience your own beautiful future…………

I Love hearing from you:  sally@sally-stubbs.com 

“I don’t think there is any such thing as an ordinary mortal. Everybody has his own possibility of rapture in the experience of life. All he has to do is recognize it and then cultivate it and get going with it. I always feel uncomfortable when people speak about ordinary mortals because I’ve never met an ordinary man, woman, or child.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth.

Warmly

Sally
Sally Stubbs
Rapha Therapy – ‘Cures that Endure’

www.sally-stubbs.com

I Have a Problem with Most Therapy!

Monday, March 24th, 2014
Sally Stubbs

Sally Stubbs

I am going to be really Controversial here! So, ‘Yeah’ what’s new!

And I hope that what I’m about to say – will spread like ‘a wild fire’ throughout the Internet – and provoke loads of argument. I’m ‘up & fighting’ and fully ready for the arguments!

It really, really, really upsets me – that the largest percentage of Therapies – ‘out there’ Do Not Work – to effect permanent lasting Cure of mind-emotional suffering.

It’s taken me years & years to put all this together.
Where the mind ‘blocks’ us from successfully and permanently achieving Resolution, is what most therapies ignore – ‘cover up’ – ‘plaster over the cracks’ or as a Great friend recently said to me: “It’s like planting roses on top of a pile of pooh!”
My discoveries are so meaningful, so powerful – this isn’t the ‘quick fix’ woo.woo land. This is effective & permanent – it isn’t Magic -but it does have Magical results!
We’d love the instant ‘fix’. AND – we’d love someone else to do it for us! We want the Therapists, the ger-zillion ‘self help’ books – the programmes – the courses to ‘click the fingers’ & Gerzam – ‘just like that’ – we’re Fixed! Of course we do! Wouldn’t it be lovely!

Most well meaning Therapies have ‘bought into’ this old Paradigm – Give the Control over to someone else or to something else to Fix our mind-emotional problems.

IF these Therapeutic Strategies really Worked we’d all be Happy & Fixed – decades ago. Not Lah-Lah Land Happy! – We’d still have sad days, downish days, grumpy days – then we’d move on. We would know we can choose to move on and be’ in Tense’ – that’s a good place for the Heart to visit every now & again. Or be ‘in Suspense’ – an adventurous place to be several times in the year, enjoying the tingles of adrenalin……. Or – simply be in Calm Places. Or. Spend a few hours alongside me in Bonkerdom!

And never visit ‘in Determinate’ – or be ‘in Doubt’ (about successfully achieving our Goal) ever again.

About two weeks ago we were considering this:
“We will get our selves – plenty of Outstanding Energy – & move forwards to Successfully achieving our Goal!”

So: we’ve been doing that by listing our reasons and our purposes to achieve what we want. We are now like an Olympic Athlete fired up with Outstanding Energy: on the starting blocks – to move away from our problem state and journey towards our Goal state.

Get a page of paper right now – and on the left side write the problem state: such as: I can’t say NO! – I’m stressed – I’m worried witless – I can’t sleep – I’m anxious – I’m worthless – I’m so fearful………..I get so angry I could explode…….. People don’t ‘get me’………. People hate me…………… I’m so lonely……………….. Your words – you know what the problem state is.

Then opposite on the right of your page write your Goal State. State your Goal in the positive: such as “I will say NO!” and “I will be really calm…”

You’re ready to move from your problem to your Goal – you’ve got the motivation, the Outstanding Energy from all your reasons & purposes…………

The Truth here is – it is not a straight line (across the page) Look at the line like a journey – along that line – there are dips – where our mind blocks us. These dips or blocks, or holes that we ‘fall down into’ are the “Yeah But(s)…..” that we’ve began to explore already together this year.

A ‘how’ to discover your own “Yeah But(s)……..” is for you to speak out loud – your Goal. And instantly ‘listen’ to your very next thoughts or feelings in your body – Feelings such as a churning in the stomach – a tightness in the chest – a pounding in the heart – And thoughts such as: ‘I’ve tried everything – I always fail……’

These “Yeah But(s)…..” blocks, dips or holes in your journey across ‘the page’ were originally either learnt invalidating self beliefs – or were originally learnt as an unsuccessful safe mechanism.
Example: “the pounding in my Heart – stops me from speaking my mind – As long as I stay quiet and I don’t speak up I won’t get into trouble I’ll be OK”

List all your “Yeah But(s)…..” There will be more than one or two.

Differentiate them into ‘invalidating self beliefs’ and ‘original protective mechanisms’

Each “Yeah But….” Needs individual attention.

Get going with your lists. It isn’t hard – your results and your journey will be Magical.
We’ll talk more about what to do with your dips or blocks or holes in your journey across your ‘page’ next time.

Let the Breeze Blow In – will safely guide you to discover your “Yeah But(s)….” Because one of the problems is that some of these invalidating self beliefs & protective mechanism are Unconscious – we don’t even consciously know we have them. Get in ‘the zone’ with my voice – then ignore my voice and say to your ‘self’ for the 20 minutes of my Story: “I want my Unconscious mind to comfortably tell me my “Yeah But(s)….”
Warmly

Sally
Sally Stubbs
Rapha Therapy System – Cures that Endure

sally@sally-stubbs.com

METAPHORS BE WITH YOU!

Monday, February 24th, 2014
Rive Greta: Keswick

Rive Greta: Keswick

I’ve just bumped into a friend – haven’t seen him for ages – we had a 10 minute ‘craic’ – standing – in the sleeting rain – here by ‘our’ river. What he said to me – made ‘my hair stand on end’ – he said: ‘Not everybody thinks in Metaphors and symbols’ Yikes! Why wouldn’t we all think in Metaphors & symbols – when they are the ‘weft’ strands of our ‘tapestry’ of our lives!

Then I remembered something Dr. Richard Bandler said: ‘Not everybody uses their mind visually – but everybody can learn to do so.’

(Bandler is a founder of NLP – & although I think at least 80% of NLP strategies do not have thorough healing properties – there is some useful stuff in there!)

Symbols are more ‘universal’ than Metaphors – they unite cultures from a stop sign on the road – to a crucifix. Epistemological Metaphors ‘belong’ to you. They are how you uniquely know that you know – something. A single Metaphor construct can collect many years of experience, so for example, every occasion of feeling ‘lonely’. Let’s say feeling lonely was first experienced by a five year old – then every occasion throughout life – of ‘feeling lonely’ can be gathered into one form: “ When I feel lonely – it feels like a dark tunnel…’

Drawing – a dark tunnel……. Achieves much! For one thing it absolves us from having to speak about all the occasions of feeling lonely. And solutions come from the problem domain. For example – drawing a dark tunnel…… & exploring the spaces – honours YOUR knowing – and assists the discovery of a solution ‘Goodness there’s light – behind & just above………….’

As you’ve been exploring your drawing(s) – you can begin to ask your next solution orientated questions: “And – what does a grey misty cloud with some yellow above it need or need to have happen?’

As your answers and solutions come to you – you next need to ask the question “Can?”

Example Answer: “Grey misty cloud wants to become all yellow & mellow”

Question: “And – can grey misty cloud become all yellow & mellow?”
Answer: “Not yet”

Question: “What needs to happen first?”
Answer: “Cloud needs to get bigger & it needs to rain”

Question: “ And can cloud get bigger & can it rain?”
Answer: “Yes – the winds blow up and then it rains – and then the yellow sun is there all mellow”

Have in mind that your Epistemological Metaphors – your drawing(s) provide solutions that are congruent to the age at the time of the first feelings, and like the ‘cloud’ solutions, can seem simple & often childlike.

Let my Gift to you help you on this your special Drawing Journey Let the Breeze Blow In – & if you did not do so already have a read about how my stories work. You associate in the right way for you with the Metaphors in my stories.

Enjoy

“Metaphors have a way of holding the most truth in the least space” – Professor Orson Scott Carol

Metaphors be with You!

Warmly

Sally
Sally Stubbs  sally@sally-stubbs.com
‘Cures that Endure’

 

 

What’s Up Ted ……

Thursday, April 25th, 2013
Sally Stubbs

Sally Stubbs

So we really do want to continue to talk together about our Unconscious mind.
We’ve already asked ourselves: why would we want to bother? And, why am I always banging on about the Unconscious mind?
Our Unconscious is worth us re-capping:
Because: Our Unconscious mind, is ‘driving’ at least 90 % of our life.
Because: Our Unconscious is our own mind – it is the ‘world’ we live in, it is our inner world from which we perceive the outer world, it is from our inner world that we respond to & react to the outer world. We need to get to know it, it’s ‘where we live’ our life.
Because: It is this part of our mind which drives our problem states. Makes sense doesn’t it? None of us consciously want our problem states, and it’s not the weather, the government, our boss or our partner, our parents who drives the problem, it is our Unconscious response. Right!
And therefore it could be considered to be understandable that that is why most every single therapeutic strategy that I come across, (and I promise you I research extensively to discover what current strategies schools of psychotherapy are advocating,) is attempting to ‘control’ & ‘re-programme’ the Unconscious.
Does it sound odd to you that: our Unconscious will want to resist being ‘controlled’ & will even resist being ‘programmed’ or ‘re-programmed’
Here’s a very, very simplistic example of a strategy, widely used in Psychotherapeutic work for re-programming the mind:
Affirmation! Try it yourself.
Think of a simple problem that you have. We’ve all got something that we’d like to improve in our Unconscious – because happiness & inner contentment with life does not have a ceiling!
So pause right now – it will only take a few minutes maximum – think of a simple problem, maybe like nervousness of public speaking, turn your problem on ‘it’s head’ & make, pretty much a polar opposite, to the problem, affirmation.
Like this example: “I have a problem in that I feel too nervous to give a public speech or presentation, my stomach churns & my throat dries up, & I’d love to be able to speak up in front of others….”
Affirmation:
“I am an acceptable person. My stomach & throat will be calm, & I will confidently speak up”
Will this affirmation for this person work, to re-programme the unconsciously driven nervousness at public speaking, when spoken or thought every day, several times a day, every 20 minutes through the day???
Not ‘in a month of Sunday’s will it ever work! (Not sure what ‘a month of Sundays is!! My Mum used to say it! And I knew what it meant! It meant never. She’d say: “Not ‘in a month of Sundays’ will I let you go into Manchester – dressed like that……”!!!)
What you will definitely notice – when you attempt to ‘re-programme’ your Unconscious – with your own personal affirmation – is inner, unconscious, resistance!
Resistance to your affirmation will manifest in your thoughts & probably in your feelings. Such as, your very next thought will be something like: “NO WAY…..” Probably followed by feelings in your body, maybe like a churning in the stomach, or a tightening of the throat, a stabbing in the heart, a heavy weight in the head….. and so and so on……..
Now, here’s the thing, Tah Dah, the resistance is absolutely the ‘key’ to unravelling deeply held negative beliefs. Honour the resistance & then differentiate out what got ‘ravelled’ into the negative self beliefs – & finally we are able to bring about lasting resolution
So, let’s, in light of my statement: “…..our Unconscious will want to resist being ‘controlled’ & will even resist being ‘programmed’ or ‘re-programmed’” – explore what happened to young Amy.
Amy ‘learnt’ her belief from her Mum’s behaviour that, basically, if you’re man is more than 3 minutes late home you’re being abandoned. Abandonment causes fear in a young unconscious mind.
Ted, Amy’s beloved partner, whenever he was late home from work, or from any outing, triggered the fear response which Amy had learnt as a child. No affirmation or logic will stop Amy’s fear.
The mild mannered, gentle Ted finally became so frustrated with Amy’s fury with him and next her withdrawal, that Amy’s “Sorry….” just did not ‘cut it’ any more. Ted upped & left. How sad is that. So sad.
Amy, I am delighted to say contacted me. We had a good 45 minutes on the phone. Next Amy choose to do my half an hour a day for 40 days Rapha* Course on CD “Have Harmonious Relationships”
All my Course spend at least 10 days – that is 10 minutes or so a day – on exploring the depths of negative self beliefs, which are pretty unique to every individual & their own life story & experiences. During those 10 days we also differentiate each negative belief ‘strand’ from the tangle of the negative belief system. And then we bring about lasting resolution – & then bring in a whole new appropriate & life affirming belief system. Good Hey……….
Amy phoned me a few weeks after she’d completed my course – she & Ted are back together & very happy.

Hurrah!
Oh & thanks everyone for your great thoughts & creative comments on the documentary we are making this summer “Why we are not free to be free … to be our self”
Keep your comments coming, ‘tis much appreciated. Thank you.
Warmly
Sally
sally@sally-stubbs.com

*R.A.P.H.A. Together we at Sally Stubbs have spent a number of years developing R.A.P.H.A., cutting edge, clean strategies which give back inner control to each individual, which is where control rightfully belongs. The control of having the choice of how to think and feel & respond to all and any situation.

www.sally-stubbs.com/have-harmonious-relationships
Sally Stubbs
Cures that Endure

www.rapha-hypnosis.com

“50 SHADES” – An Epidemic!

Monday, September 24th, 2012

Sally Stubbs

“50 Shades of Grey”

So, in this letter title I’ve said it! “50 shades of grey”.
I promise you I’m no ‘kill joy’ as I said in my last letter, amongst consenting adults, that is their choice.
And I understand the odd occasion of the relief to just relinquish the power position and the responsibility in sexual behaviours of the controller and being controlled.
This letter is ongoing from my last one,  in a way that is really worth our consideration, even if half of the 40 million readers of “50 Shades of Grey are reading for fun and Erotica – it still seems to me like there is, as Dr Sarno would say: An epidemic! Of a need to be controlled and be in control played out in behaviours that are deeply unsuccessful at regaining any real control……….
I feel this is a deep and meaningful letter to you – so I’ll keep it short…
My Mum often used to say to me:
‘For goodness sake Sally – you’re not being deep and meaningful again – are you!’
Yikes Mum – what’s that all about! I’m fun loving as well!
I’m just going to briefly mention that I’ve attempted, as best I could over the years, to study George Gurdjieff’s (1872 – 1949): The Fourth Way – ‘He was a seminal spiritual figure, who introduced an ancient, then unknown to the West, esoteric teaching of development and awakening, one that teaches how to creatively use the diverse impressions of ordinary life to come to real life.’
Gurdjieff’s work was not connected to any formal or organised religions.
My point in mentioning Gurdjieff, in this rather unusual deep and meaningful letter to you, is that he insisted on a mutual understanding of words which were being used in any discussions! I think that’s great, maybe sometimes essential! Maybe the usually unspoken obvious?
Anyway, I am about to use the word divine in this discussion!
By this word I simplistically mean the state that is Pristine. A state of no fear and no ‘pain’.
Please bear with me I do know what I’m talking about here – and my hope is that what I say in a massively deep and meaningful way – will resonate with you – or for someone you care about, not in terms of the chronic need to be the controller or be controlled as portrayed in the book.
If you can gently think for a few moments – each day – What is stopping you or stopping someone close to you, achieving a goal to Resolve – finally once and for all a problem state – even the problems that manifest as we’ve mentioned before as the symptoms of a wrong relationship with food, to not sleeping well – to disharmony in relationship – your answers for yourself or for your loved one – will be, in essence: fear or ‘pain’ is stopping me – or my loved one.
All I ask of you, for now is that you acknowledge your own answers to the question: What is stopping me – or my loved one – Resolving a problem state.
And next time – I will get off the talking about that book – and together we’ll explore strategies – ‘Golden Bullets’ for Working with your answer.
I know personally that although we have all experienced tragedy – and loss – and trauma – and bewilderment – I have been there – we can Regain our Pristine State – to be fear free and ‘pain’ free.
This brings me happily back to the word divine.
A client recently named the Pristine state as – divine pleasure………… I’ve tears of relief for her as I write to you.
One day – I will joyously tell you about her Work with me – She and I together have Cured the Incurable.
For her to be in a ‘space’, in a ‘place’ – a state of divine pleasure was deemed to be totally impossible!
So I reckon as a Revolutionary my wish for you is divine pleasure –  or call it pristine state if you prefer…… Or as my client the poet said: Your intended being.
Thinking of you warmly
Sally
Sally Stubbs
Cures that Endure

Sally@sally-stubbs.com     my personal & private email address, do get in touch, I would love to hear your views: